So very lonely

[Tori88]

My partner of 12 years left me on Thursday and moved in with his girlfriend. I am devastated and can't hold it together even more my beautiful 10 yr old daughter - pls someone say it gets better and how?

I have been where you are, OP. It does get better, I promise.

If I could turn the clock back, though, I would have moved back home. I stayed in a town I had moved to with ExH, so he could see the DCs. He ended up being a shit, only seeing them once a month anyway, effectively trapping me in a place where I had no family, and his own family just drifted away.

I do wish I had just gone back to my roots. ExH could have visited if he was that bothered. Things would have been so different.

It's great to see all your posts, I can't believe how supportive you have all been - just knowing I have somewhere to rant and ask questions really helps - I will make an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow thx xxxxx

Good, get that appointment. Come here for support.

Yes, what LineRunner said. I hope you're having a better evening (and that your mum's being a bit less impatient with you).

Had a couple of ok days, but really down today as weekends were family time. Ex is picking daughter up tomorrow not seen since he walked out and moved into new woman's house last Thursday . What happens if she has more fun with him and doesn't want to come home (money to spend)

Whatever happens, you will always be her mother. Kids IME have a way of seeing through the bullshit. They know when they're being bought. My guess is she'll enjoy herself & take advantage of any extra cash he throws her way but be very pleased to get home anyway. Have a little faith.

BTW What you mustn't do is big the guy up or cover up his failings. People will tell you it's wrong to bad-mouth an ex and it is when it's done maliciously. But, by the same token, don't be tempted to talk about him as though he is faultless because he'll be doing plenty of that, rest assured. You are allowed to be honest with your DD and say that you are upset, disappointed and angry about his behaviour.

OP do something nice tomorrow when your D is with her father. Go for a coffee and read a newspaper can be good. It is hard but your D loves you.

When my H walked out to ow house I remember asking him how he thought we would manage financially running 2 homes. His reply was that the OW had worked out the finances and it was doable! Made me laugh as She clearly didn't know how much 2 kids cost! However it showed that they were way ahead of me in the planning process.

Lots of advice on here. I didn't know about MN at the time - 2 years ago but I do agree with the manta of no contact - although I failed! Don't send him heartfelt emails about the life you had Etc - he isn't interested I'm afraid and just makes then change history.

It's a massive betrayal when it happens that rocks your core. I felt many emotions afterwards and I did the "pick me dance".

Now 14 months later I'm in such a different place and people remark of my transformation. You'll be amazed at how different you may become.

The lonely ness is hard but it does get better.

To deal with it I went through my phone book and Facebook and found friends I wanted to reconnect with and that passes the time.

Thanks again, I have been sugar coating his bad behaviour of not bothering to contact her and wish her a happy Easter, let alone get her an Easter egg. I'll stop and be more honest.

Friend and I are going to the gym then a coffee. Try and run away all my anger !!!

Transformation sounds good

Tori going to the gym is a brilliantly positive way to vent your anger and frustration. Good for you. You see you are instinctively doing the right things for your healing. Well done. Proud of you xx

I'm so sorry this has happened. Its such early days so be easy on yourself. Your situation is very similar to the one I was in a few years ago except I hadn't moved away. Like other pp my advice is do what you feel you can cope with and no more. Also don't agree to any financial changes until you have legal advice. Like you I paid the bills and he paid a contribution in to my account.

A few days after he first left I asked my exh to continue to do that until we were a bit clearer about how we were going to proceed. He did agree this and didn't cut off any financial support until we made a legal settlement 2 years later (it doesn't always take this long but he was an arse in many other ways which made the process much longer than it should have done)

Good luck op. It is a really awful time and you will be going trough several different emotions every hour at the moment. Give you and your daughter as much time as you can. Talk to your family rl friends and mn as much as you like. You will be amazed at how much love and support you will get. And it does get better. I am much happier now than I ever was with my exh.