Help needed to deal with emotionally abusive.

[theonewithnoname]

I originally posted something In AIBU bit realised here would be more appropriate.

My daughters father and I had what I would call a brief but happy fling. I got pregnant after a few months. Upon finding I was pregnant I realised we weren't right for each other (call it gut feeling), so I set about making a life for myself and soon to be DD.

Now she is 4 months old, me and exp have not had any form of relationship since I was 3 months pregnant.

He caused me a huge amount of stress and upset throughout my pregnancy, particularly at the late stages in the days I became overdue.

He has had a reasonable amount of contact with her since she was born, but has always pushed for more.

More recently he has been sending me a lot of text messages / emails about me, saying how he feels very sad but he thinks I am bipolar, etc etc. This is all news to me, I definitely am not bipolar. I am a good mum who looks after DD 24/7 without any help from him at all.

I believe he is setting the scene for when he takes me to court - I am sure this is what he is planning - to make me out to be an unfit / unstable mother.

Please help me deal with this in the best way possible.

I think he genuinely believes what he says about me and therefore I think he would try to get residence of DD even though she is very much cared for and loved by me.

Even though I know what he is saying about me isn't true it still scares me that I may lose my DD to him?

When I say he has 'reasonable contact' I mean he sees her for 2 full days per week (8am - 7pm).

But he's no proof or got anything to back up his words, in court this won't stand, just play it by here n see, it might not be his intention, but if he does want to see her more, allow it because if it does go to court, you've not stopped him or anything so this wouldn't even stand a case

He won't get residence of DD.

Trying to make out that the mother of his child is mentally unfit, and claim custody (as it used to be called), is a very old, tired, commonplace trick, that many controlling men make an attempt at at some point.

Social services (or whoever he might try to involve) have heard it all before, probably multiple times a day. Try to stay calm and disregard him. It's likely he won't do anything.

Keep your contact with your ex strictly around the topic of child access. Communicate only by text or email, and make no response to his insinuations. They are just an attempt to intimidate and control you.

Don't have a dialogue with him other than sensible child arrangements.

I would second the idea to drop all contact with him except the kind that you can keep a record of i.e. e-mail. No phone-calls. Keep any abusive texts but don't enter into a dialogue yourself. Your DD is just 4 months, I take it there is no formal contact agreement in place (?), and therefore you're under no legal obligation whatsoever. Start making contact a little more difficult by telling him (politely via e-mail) that it's not convenient for him to visit. Space the visits out further. If he continues with ridiculous allegations (which you now have in writing) consider talking to the police or a solicitor.