Should I try and get him back?

[helen64]

After ten, occasionally turbulent, months my ex and I split up by mutual agreement last week
We both have teenagers and full time jobs and TBH I think we both became lazy in our relationship. No hard feelings at all, we've met since and it was fine, just painfully sad that we'd lost what was so precious to us a few months ago. We could both definitely see a future together but life got in the way
He did have a few quirks, suffered with anxiety and depression, and was hard work sometimes and all my friends say I'm better off out of it and want to find me someone new
But I miss him, and his children. I cry all the time - why do I do that if I was all for breaking up in the first place? I didn't shed a tear for 24 hours after it happened but now I'm in pieces whenever I'm alone.
Should I ask him to try again? If he says no idea will feel terrible and will have made any chance of friendship hard. And if he says yes, what if I don't really want it, and I'm just being sad and stupid?

You only split last week so, even though it sounds like it was for the best, your feelings are bound to be raw. You don't need to find someone new... that's premature.... but you do need to fill your days with people and activities so that you don't feel so lonely. Loneliness can make sensible people do some really silly things. So be with your friends, find things to do, 'throw yourself into your work' and so on.

A warning... It should not have been a turbulent relationship after such a short space of time, he should not have been hard work and you should not feel obliged to rescue anyone from their anxiety and depression. Going back to him, even as a friend, would not be healthy.

Stay busy & stay out of contact. Good luck

no

No, don't try and get him back! It's okay to still be raw, you invested a lot emotionally on someone who needed a lot of love. But, you've moved on for a reason, going back won't make him/it better. You'll wish you hadn't bothered again in a few weeks - actually DAYS - when the things that made it so turbulent resurface.
Be kind to yourself, you deserve it and keep moving on.
Best wishes for you.

10 months and you both became lazy, that sounds really odd, 10 years maybe but not 10 months, that in itself tells you this isn't a long lasting relationship. If you couldn't make it this far then you aint gonna be able to weather anything else.

If you want to try again with him then do it but don't expect too much, it's not looking that great.

What do you mean by 'lazy', OP, if you don't mind me asking?

Your friends have said you are better off out of it, take notice of that and ask yourself why, did you change much whilst with him?

You were only together 10 months? And they were turbulent? ...? U want to go back?

U sound desperate to be in a relationship.

HELL NO

leave it.

By lazy, I mean we stopped putting each other first and our children took priority, all the the time. It seemed easier to stay at home with my two than get dressed up to in out with him, even though I knew I'd enjoy it if I made the effort

I don't know that I'm desperate to be in a relationship, I just want to start making some foundations for a future when my children have grown up

Thank you, all of you, for taking the time to comment.

How do you feel today?

Still very sad, and regretting not making more of an effort. I saw him today when I was walking my dog. He keeps saying he loves me and that we were good together, but he doesn't want to get back together in case we break up again.

All I can see is the good times, of which there were many.

I think I was way too fussy, and expected too much. I keep thinking this time a week or so we were together, and now we're not, and I miss him.

I think it will be good for you to step away for a while. Try to recalibrate, as it were.

Hope you are ok.

What a mealy-mouthed little headfuck! Doesn't want to get back together in case you break up???? He sounds like one of these people who is so keen for everyone to like him that he can't bring himself to be honest and say 'it wasn't working for me' but has to dolly it up in pseudo-romantic language so that it comes across as it being out of his control.

I don't think you were too fussy. I think he's a big, fat fake.

I do think you'll recover more quickly if you stop seeing him and his mindfucking.

Last year I was in a relationship where suddenly I didn't feel like making the effort to meet him.
I took it as a sign that the relationship was dying and after careful evaluation of my feelings and his overall behaviour I ended it.

I thin you unconsciously knew this was not right for you. By dumping him now you will have a better chance of finding someone that is better for you.
Or will have a chance of being happy alone without all his drama.

No to trying again. You cannot love him better. I would agree with Cogito here; this guy was indeed a big fat fake.

The first 12 months of a relationship are supposed to be the happiest; this sounded problematic and far too much like hard work from the very early days. I think your friends opinion is very instructive.

Work on rebuilding your own self esteem and self worth as men like this one can do their fair bit to dismantle that.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?. Do you have rescuer and or saving tendencies when it comes to choosing men?. I ask this as you cannot rescue and or save someone who does not want to be saved; being a rescuer and or a saviour in a relationship never works.