Back again, can't decide if I'm overreacting

[onionlove]

Thank you to those of you that have answered me before, I'm sorry I'm back again, I'm not usually indecisive but I want to make sure I've considered everything before deciding what to do.

Basically in a nutshell, I caught DH flirty texting someone about a year ago, I told him if it happened again or he gave me reasons to think he was up to something again we were over (we have two young DCs). About 2 months ago I discovered he was texting an escort, not exactly the shy type either, I don't know if anything happened or not and still haven't asked to see bank details/phone records yet but i was disgusted by it.

He has started to go to counselling, has had 3 sessions, as he doesn't know why he does it, plus a myriad of other childish behaviour, can't have a drink without getting wasted, staying up all night on computer etc. just not dealing with problems in a group up way. Our relationship wasn't great but this is the straw that broke the camel's back, he is impossible to talk to and doesn't communicate at all so we have had no chance to fix things.

I know if I just forgive and forget it gives him licence to do this kind of thing again so I don't want to do that but if we separate the DC's are put through an ordeal, if my son asks me when we're older why me and his Dad split up, am I going to say "because he kept texting other women" - doesn't sound like enough of a reason to turn their world upside down does it? But I don't think I can trust anymore, just keep getting let down time after time.

any views anyone?

You don't text escorts for fun you text escorts to arrange to meet them.

I suggest you get to an STI clinic and get yourself a complete check up, sorry.

Then get to a solicitor and find out where you stand legally and financially before you confront him.

If the trust is gone so is your marriage.

Once you have all the knowledge you need then confront him.

Good luck.

I'm reading your post and wondering why you think it's a good idea for this man to be under the same roof as your children.

You tell your children an age-appropriate explanation.

You tell them you loved each other but couldn't live together. You are clutching at straws looking for reasons to stay with a man who treats you like crap and who has proved he will continue to do so for aslong as you let him. He sounds like my ex. And guess what he's still up to the things he was 5 years ago except its some other poor mug living with it.

What got me out the door was that no way was i having my dd thinking that's the way she should be treated or my ds thinking that's how a man acts. No chance in hell. Get out of it trust me you will look back in time and thank your lucky stars you did it.

An escort is not going to waste her time texting someone who hasn't or isn't going to book.

If you split up it wouldn't be over texting it would be:

Suspected use of prostitutes
Problem drinking
PC/internet addiction
Immaturity

I suspect that's not all...

Am I understanding your question correctly ? You are asking what to tell your dc ? Simply tell them that mummy and daddy both love them but they cannot live together.

Or are you looking for some reasons to give him (yet another) chance ? Don't do that. He should be attending counselling to understand himself better, not to get back into your good books. It should be that the next woman benefits from that, not you.

"not dealing in a grown up way" and "impossible to talk to" alone would be reasons to tell the DCs. The escort stuff can wait til later.

BTW, agree that escorts don't waste a lot of time just texting with non-customers. So sorry, OP.

Thanks for your replies, i know its not as bad as some things that people here have had to deal with but the thing that hit the nail on the head is littlebme words, and i don't think that i would want my daughter putting up with it or my son thinking that it is ok to behave like that towards a women you are in a relationship with, the trust issue is major too, he says he will do anything to make it right im not sure if he can anymore