Has anyone ever reconciled after separation?

[AlicePalice]

I was just wondering if anyone has ever successfully put a relationship back together after a separation?

Myself and xDP (together 4 years) separated from a very happy relationship because of one big argument that sort of snowballed out of control during a time when we were both under immense pressure as a couple.

While the actual argument was pretty stupid, the reaction to it brought into light the fact that perhaps we weren't communicating well because he had a few issues with me that he'd never raised during the relationship.

I have been hoping for a reconciliation, but we have now been separated for three months and I feel like hope is slipping away with each week that passes.

He sends me very mixed signals which I find hard to interpret.

I know neither of us of seeing someone else, and I know he has been devastated by the split and friends have told me they have never seen him so unhappy - but when I talk to him he sounds breezy and says he is fine!

He is also friends with all his exes (even the ones who cheated on him) and yet he doesn't want to be friends with me :( He has basically gone NC. He replies to texts but seems to be avoiding me.

I know that the chemistry at least is still there becaue on the occasions where I have seen him, he has been moony eyed and after a few drinks he has said he still loves me and fancies me like mad and yet the next day he goes back to ignoring me.

I also hear he has gone into counselling to cope with the split, which I find confusing because if he was that upset about it why doesn't he call me and try and work it out.

I really love him and deep down I believe we just belong together, but this is all hurting me so much and I feel so sad and rejected and confused. He just can't get past being angry and it seems like this one argument brought out a whole load of anger that I never knew was there - he is stubborn as heck and tends to follow through with things once he's made a decision.

Has anyone been through similar and found a way back? I know no one can really answer me if I have hope or not, but maybe if someone else has been separated and managed to find way back after some time apart it might give me some encouragement to continue hoping.

x

I am wondering the same thing, 16 years and 1 DS. He left 6 weeks ago but problems started in December (in a rut, out of love, traumatic year, stressful jobs, a significant illness and a miscarriage). Things got a bit rough and he left. I have decided to leave him well alone now and see if he can see what he has lost. I and DS miss him dreadfully - we had 4 unhappy months in 16 years and he quits because of a few rows (since the initial discussion). I can't help OP but am wishing the same as you although I fear it will never happen.

May I suggest you follow up on one of your self-identified reasons for the split and communicate your thoughts to him?

Also, don't read too much into this but in my relationships the ones I go NC with and act breezy in front of are the ones I really cared about. The others weren't that deep so it doesn't hurt as much to keep in touch with.

I really, truly hope this works out well for both of you.

OP my DH can't get beyond being anger too. So sad to throw away all those years

Sorry to hear about your situation Hup.

jjsuk, I have tried to communicate with him. He doesn't seem to be able to do it. He's never been good at communicating. It's a life long issue for him. We actually never argued, and I suppose he must have been withholding minor resentments or feelings from me. I am trying, but he seems to have just decided this is best and doesn't want to talk. We never really talked, and that seems totally mad for such a long relationship.

I really, really hope the reason he is putting so much distance is that he still feels something.

I know taking a survey isn't going to resolve it, but I thought maybe if someone could tell me that there was hope it might make me feel a bit better.

chaseface, yes I have. I told him that I still loved him and wanted to work it out. He was responsive, and quite a few times he has said he felt the same. There have been a of gestures, little moments, but then he pulls back. He seems deeply angry and me and I have no idea what about. He must have been hiding annoyances from me and then they all exploded. That said, he is going through a bloody awful time in his life right now and is really stressed out to his limit anyway.

How about an ultimatum of sorts? Tell him you're getting confused from the mixed signals. If he has any feelings speak now or forever hold his peace. If he doesn't respond, as hard as it is, move on.

Perhaps he is really hurting right now and is scared that if he tells you that he still cares it will go wrong and he will feel a fool. I left a man I loved deeply after an 8 year relationship. It broke my heart but I would never tell him how I felt, I just played it cool and so did He and we both wept silently to ourselves. We split up for 5 years but Remained friends and never really stopped loving each other. We finally got back together 6 months ago and it's going well. If you really want to try to re kindle this relationship then perhaps send him a letter stating how you feel without being overly emotional. Let him know that you would like to try and work through any issues between you. If he wants to try again he can contact you. If he does not respond then perhaps delete his number and cut off contact so you can begin to get over it and start to heal. Relationships can be so tough at times.

Thank you heyday, I'm really glad you are reconnecting and that is a really hopeful tale.

I have honestly tried and I did write him a letter (but unfortunately it was full of emotion and about 20 pages long. So embarrassing) I told him I still loved him and wanted to be together but for whatever reason he just can't open up to me.

I do sense that he genuinely needs space, I've never seen him so upset. I do sense he still has all the same feelings.

I was hoping if I gave him time and let him go through counselling maybe he would be ready to talk to me and tell me what is really bothering him and that we would have a chance to start again somehow.

He has said to me openly that he is hurting worse than he has ever hurt. I just don't understand him. If I ask him why he is doing it he just says it is difficult for him to talk!

I know people who have and have been together years but personally it hasnt worked for me on both occasions, ive decided to never go back in future.

I guess it would depend on why you seperated in the first place and how much both of you want it to work no point if one of you has any doubts. Also you would have to make sure the cracks from before had totally gone and you can learn to trust etc.

Whatever you decide dont rush it :)

I am just so sad like you Alice. He tells me he is hurt and sad and miserable but won't come back.

I am trying to rebuild my life but I don't want to as the one I had was pretty good.