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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend stealing my ideas.

11 replies

Falconi · 22/04/2014 11:47

I have this 'friend', lets call E.
I know E for 3 years now, we get on well and most importantly, our child are great friends.
At the beginning I thought very highly of her and was so glad to have the privilege to have such a good friend, then slowly I realised she was a bit two faces (with other friends so obviously with me too), overdramatic (exaggerates everything specially when in need of help which used to be constant), unreliable (not showing up/cancelling/ forgetting/changing her mind).

I learned how to deal with this and kept a "distant" kind of friendship but now there is a new feature. She is stealing my ideas!
The first time a noticed was when I organised a activity for my friends and dd's friends over a half term not long ago. I invited her and messaged her the details just to later find out through other friends that she privately messaged a group of other mums from her FB, inviting them to come along as though as she was the host! The event was public, but I found out and organised a little group to go together, she just stole my idea, copied my email with all the event description, time, tips, meeting point etc, and pretended she done everything and invited her own group!

Maybe there are a lot more that goes unnoticed by me but the other day, another friend of ours was trying to solve a problem, childcare related, and was really drained and in need of help. She was relying on me and E for emotional and physical support (if needed prior solving the problem). After speaking to this friend for a few hours over the phone, I couldn't stop thinking about her and her problem and next day I came up with few solutions. I made the mistake to mention the solution to E first since I saw her first and on the same day, talking to the friend on the phone, I found out E had presented all the solution as her ideas!!! Even though to me, she said the solutions wouldn't work and were not good enough!

I want to understand what is E problem and how I deal with this from now on? I can't just LTB, our daughters are friends, she moved closer to me and is pretty much my next door neighbour and I work random shifts with her H. Also our daughters do dance class together and we have to sit there waiting, I can't just ignore or change days...

OP posts:
Falconi · 22/04/2014 11:49

sorry for my mistakes, on the phone, not a native speaker and all that...

OP posts:
littlegreengloworm · 22/04/2014 11:53

This is very difficult.

I would probably stay quiet, still be friendly but tell her nothing. Then, she will probably ask why are you quiet. Then just say, I prefer to keep to myself.

It sound like she envies you, which may be flattering but it's not on to do what she's doing.

littlegreengloworm · 22/04/2014 11:54

When you are sitting together I would bring a magazine and make small talk bit give nothing away.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 22/04/2014 11:55

Agree with the above, just don't tell her anything. She can't copy your ideas if you don't tell them to her.

Falconi · 22/04/2014 12:01

Yes, I hear, problem is, like every two faces/fake people, they tend to be very charming and I see myself having to battle to not get suck in her drama or friendly chat. But I noticed it is getting easier. Maybe because I can see her true colours more clearly now.
It is so sad and such a shame when you think you have a true friend but later realise it is not "real".

OP posts:
Matildathecat · 22/04/2014 12:05

Tell her you're planning a luxury family holiday in Libya. Show her a special secret recipe for tripe and discuss the benefits of possibly having a beautiful curly perm because you've heard it's the next big thing. Grin

She sounds a pain. Keep things to yourself and keep it superficial.

Nb no offence intended to fans of the above.Smile

custardadia · 22/04/2014 12:07

Its simple, don't share your ideas with her!

I work in design and if i have an idea, i won't tell anyone about it until i have done it or its obvious that i have ownership of it.

If you know someone has form for plagiarism, it is important not to share your ideas because there is ALWAYS the risk they will get appropriated or stolen.

Redcoats · 22/04/2014 12:07

It's not really worth confronting her about any of it, you'll be the one who looks like a loon. Just be flattered that she thinks your ideas are so great.
And don't ever tell her anything ever again.

Falconi · 22/04/2014 12:50

Of course, not sharing ideas anymore.
Never saw it as envy though....will be extra vigilant from now on.

OP posts:
littlegreengloworm · 22/04/2014 16:40

It's not certainly envy. Don't confront her, she will twist it. No arm to throw a few random ideas out there that you are not intending to do.

littlegreengloworm · 22/04/2014 16:40

It's most certainly I meant

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