Ridiculous jealousy over EXP's new woman spending time with DS.

[pickledparsnip]

Just that really. I know that I'm being irrational, and as long as my son is happy then all is ok, but bloody hell does it hurt.

I don't want to be with ex, I know that. It feels like he is playing happy families with this woman and our son.

I started seeing someone about 7 months ago and kept it very separate from my son. I didn't want to introduce anyone too soon, I was keeping it casual and just seeing how things went. Ex was jealous as hell & made me feel awful. Fast forward 5 months and he asks me to agree to him taking our son away for a weekend to see family, not a problem with me. A week beforehand the plan changes and he's going to stay with friends. Turns out he's going with his new girlfriend, he refuses to tell me who it is for 3 days, all bizarre.

Now this new girl spends time with them regularly and takes them off in her car to places every week. He denies ever having a problem with me seeing someone and apparently I'm unreasonable.

I don't know why I am finding it so hard to deal with. One of the problems is that I really dislike this woman. She has been a friend of ex for some time, and he used to confide in her about our relationship problems, and she would give him awful advice. She has always liked him, and has been waiting on the sidelines for years. She has always been rude to me, in a smug patronising way.

I am being an emotional idiot and need to get over it. I don't want to be with ex, as long as our son is happy then all should be fine. Someone please tell me it will get easier & I'll get over it!

it's OK... & perfectly normal to feel like this. the best case scenario is that he has known her for a while & she will grow into a caring adult friend for your DC (s) in retrospect, the OW who XP left me for was a fairly decent woman, who ended up being treated awfully by XP. The subsequent OW (OW2) was a monster & I now have a degree of sympathy for OW1.

There isn't a shortcut to acceptance & it's good that you are aware of your feelings. My tip is to not start conversations about OW with DC & if they bring her up in conversation, be airy & light in your comments, even if you want to slag her to death.

how old is DC? Does OW have any children?

It's a funny old emotion. I have been Ok(ish) for the last couple of years with DS seeing ex and his partner (who was the OW and is spitefully vindictive towards me). But recently when DS comes home and talks about her cutting his toenails I see red, I really do. They play at happy families yet she wasn't bothered when he was only 5. There isn't much you can do, but it does make me sad when ds seems so sad about it all.

Thanks for your reply Snapespeare. DS is 4.5 years old. OW has no children. I would never say anything negative about her to him, however tempting that may be! Have had to bite my tongue on more than one occasion. He hardly ever talks about her though. He only used to tell me that he didn't like her, but in the past few weeks that has changed (thankfully).

Ex has one day a week that he spends with both DS & his child from a previous relationship. He chooses to include OW in that day. I just can't get my head round that. It is such a shame that it can't be the three of them as it was, she now has to be involved. Really though there shouldn't be a problem on my part.

It is a funny old emotion tiredandsadmum. I wish I could get my head around it.

Feeling a bit clearer this morn. Doesn't help that I'm premenstrual and emotiona as helll. Apparently ex is taking son & new woman for a weekend away somewhere that we used to go together. Its not for another few months, so I'm going to try my hardest to feel fine about it by then.

New mantra: as long as ds is happy, that is all that matters.