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Relationships

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Original poster

3rd date and still not sure.

22 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 21/04/2014 20:41

3rd date with a lovely man, solvent, loaded in fact and very decent chap. I'm not sure I fancy him. I feel like I do want to see him again but I can't imagine getting physical tbh.
I think when I've just gone for looks or chemistry before I have ended up with some right knobbers. I guess there is some chemistry there but he's not my usual type (e.g: not typically good looking)
But then I'm not a stunner tbh. I'm also 36. I am worried about letting a good man through the net.

OP posts:

EllaFitzgerald · 21/04/2014 20:46

Letting a good man through the net is the right thing to do if you don't feel any attraction to him. There still has to be a spark, even if he's not what you usually go for looks wise and your confidence isn't great.

Are you flirty with each other? Maybe give it a couple more dates to see if he grows on you, but if it's not happening, you can't force it. If he's nice, then he deserves someone who fancies him, as do you.

Itsfab · 21/04/2014 20:46

There can't be chemistry if you can't imagine getting naked with him. I would let him go to meet someone who isn't interested more in his money than him as a person.

Casmama · 21/04/2014 20:51

Imagine he didn't have a pot to piss in- still in a quandary?

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 21/04/2014 21:33

The thing is I think I do really like him as a person. I did like him before he told me about that stuff. It's just well...the naked thing.

OP posts:

OooOooTheMonkey · 21/04/2014 21:40

I didn't fancy my DP when we first met.he had everything if would have wanted in a partner but there was no spark (for me, anyway! ) We were friends for ages then all of a sudden I did really fancy him!! Now we have a beautiful daughter
It's not always about the spark. As once the honeymoon period is over you still need to be friends and have stuff in common. Hope that makes sense I've probably not been very eloquent in writing down my thoughts.
I'm not saying give it a go one way or the other only you can decide that. Just sharing my experience that's all

MadBusLady · 21/04/2014 21:45

If you know you can do slow-burn, keep at it. If you know you can't, you are setting both of you up for a sticky break-up and it will be wretched.

I can't do slow burn and I learnt it the hard way.

Latara · 21/04/2014 21:46

I get where you are coming from. I dated a man who was nice, normal etc but there was no 'spark'. I decided not to date him anymore when I realised he was far more into me than I was into him because it wasn't fair on him.

The trouble is I feel at 37 I can't be too fussy anymore, but I do like chemistry to be there.

Fairylea · 21/04/2014 21:48

If one of the first reasons to keep seeing him is money then there's your thank you and goodnight right there. It has to be about more than money. There has to be some spark there, even if it isn't necessarily rip your clothes off I want to fuck you right now spark.

Milmingebag · 21/04/2014 21:51

Have you even kissed him yet? Sometimes you have to get physical to work out if there is a spark. I bet many can recount tales of dating men that they had the hots for only for that to unravel when they got down to it physically and the attraction just evaporated.

Give it a bit more time as it sounds like you are compatible otherwise.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 21/04/2014 21:55

Some men need to grow on you, and a third date probably isn't giving it enough time to be certain.

If he's good company and you enjoy being with him, just carry on until you're sure either way.

Some of my happiest relationships have been with men I wasn't instantly attracted to

LadyMud · 21/04/2014 22:14

Do you share the same sense of humour, Superstar? I think that's even more important than a spark.

MadBusLady · 21/04/2014 22:57

Looking at the most successful relationship I know (my parents) I would say both physical spark and sense of humour are equally important. Everything else provided both parties are reasonable can be negotiated.

LividofLondon · 22/04/2014 13:10

Superstar it sounds a bit like you're compromising because you're worried about never finding someone "better" now you're 36. I think if you're the type of person who can eventually find someone sexy as you grow fond of them then it's worth carrying on, but otherwise I'm not so sure. I've always needed to feel some lust to be interested in dating, but we're all different. If I'd dated a man 3 times and not felt like ripping his kit off he'd be veering towards the friends zone.
Have you kissed yet? If not, is there some reason? If you have, how did you feel?

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 22/04/2014 15:32

I don't want to kiss him. Yet.

OP posts:

PoundingTheStreets · 22/04/2014 15:38

Kiss him and decide then.

I thought DP was good looking in a detached way but can't say I felt any chemistry at all on meeting him and certainly didn't feel the 'urge' to kiss him, let alone start picturing him naked.

Then I kissed him and there was definitely chemistry. Of the wanting-to-rip-each-other's-clothes-off kind. It really was like flicking a switch.

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 22/04/2014 19:43

Thing is...this guy is a bit ugly. Bless him. Lovely but a bit ugly. Nice arms but , I don't know....not good looking in even a detached way.

OP posts:

chaseface · 22/04/2014 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsfab · 22/04/2014 20:34

FFS call him and tell him you don't want to progress anymore as you aren't good enough for him. Rude and patronising isn't something anyone would want in a partner.

Santaclaws · 22/04/2014 21:09

I didn't fancy my bf when we first met but I really liked him as a person and felt comfortable with him pretty quickly. Now I'm on the brink of being mad about him and very happy, but it's taken 3 months

Original poster

superstarheartbreaker · 22/04/2014 21:37

I'm just being honest Itsfab. He's not hideous at all...I'm just a bit confused I guess. Not my usual pretty boy type ( which is probably a good thing tbh).
He is lovely, i do enjoy being with him so there must be something.

OP posts:

Itsfab · 23/04/2014 20:00

My DH is, and looks, nothing like any of my boyfriends and I am not sure I have a type but he is the nicest one out of all of them and gets more handsome by the day.

Take a chance. Attraction can grow but be honest about why you are with him and what you want from a relationship.

wallypops · 23/04/2014 20:50

Imagine you are together and imagine him meeting your friends and family. Are you embarrassed about him? Or confident that his charm will win them over.
My DP isn't stereotypically handsome but the pheromones render him irresistible to me. Never had so much sex and we are in our 40s. Met him after a 6 year fast and pretty much leapt before I looked.

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