Context: DS is 4mo, and lives with me. Contact is supposed to be a few hours every weekend, plus a weekday eve, which is open to change in the future. Ex has a new partner as of January. To date we have been having a few issues with making contact regular.
Ex came over just now just before bedtime, having been on holiday all week (with no forewarning). So he saw (very tired, after being ill all week) DS for about 5 mins. Next weekend he has plans, but 'might' be free on Sunday. And there are a lot of work trips coming up in the next month but after that it might be different (this excuse already used several times).
I got cross that once again DS is the least important thing to him, and we ended up arguing about his priorities, again (though at least this time I did not once again tell him how selfish I think he is). His partner apparently thinks he should spend more time with DS, so it is definitely him with the issue. He said that I should understand that he has a son, not a family. Apparently when I have a new partner I will do the same.
We have the same argument conversation over and over, which I know is pointless (he says I sound just like his mother). Ex is adamant that he does not want to just walk away (I have asked him).
So I need to change my reactions. But how? Is there anything I can do to help make contact more palatable?
Unfortunately I no longer have confidence that ex will actually pull his finger out, but I want DS and he to have as good a relationship as possible, and for our relationship to be cordial so in due course DS does not end up stuck in a battleground, and also so I know that I have done everything I could to make their relationship happen so I can tell DS that in good conscience if I ever need to.