Would sex texting be a deal breaker?

[lemondust]

There is a back story and other aspects to this saga but I just want to ask this in isolation. I am so deeply involved in all the other cap that I worry I can lose perspective.

I found some very explicit text messages on dh phone. Very intimate and detailed about what he would like to do to and with this other woman. I instantly thought it would be an affair... He says it's an ex work colleague he got carried away with i.e flirting turned to sex texts... no contact and no physical sex. Even if I believe him, how much of a deal breaker would this be in your relationships? The messages were during the day and late at night. Sometimes dozens a day... I only saw one message string as the rest were deleted. He got unlucky the time I checked I think....

He says he is lonely and was flattered by the attention as our marriage is in the pits at the moment.

This would be the end for me. Total deal breaker.

Why are you still looking for reasons to stay with a man who bullies you, controls you and has a sex life with other women ?

How bad does it actually have to get for you to call it a day ?

You are in the same relationship and you haven't done it so I can't see any excuse.
If he's lonely, he could have started a new hobby and made friends. Sexting isn't a hobby, it's cheating.

It would be a definite deal breaker for me!

Yeah, deal breaker.
I was stupid enough to stay "I was only looking, I didn't do anything" (multiple times) and he was cheating (full sex) for our entire relationship and marriage.
Obviously I've got a personal axe to grind there! But lurk on here for 5 minutes and you'll see it's always the same.
Didn't you post the other day that he was chatty with a colleague, but it wasn't sexual? And now you find it is. There's always more. This won't be just messages - but even if it was, that's enough to leave him.

And he's controlling. And bullying.

Oh and now he's been found out, instead of actually being SORRY, he's trying to guilt you about being lonely in a flat. Well, he know the cure for loneliness - he can just text his affair, can't he.

ARSEHOLE.

Yes, absolutely.

Walking away from a marriage can seem huge but trust me, you'll be happier once the dust settles.

I kept delaying divorcing my husband. When I finally built up the courage (after a wake up call on mn) I have never looked back.

Don't make anymore excuses for this man. If he hasn't begun a physical affair yet, he will.

4.5 yrs on I actually get on better with my ex than when married. We amicably co parent and I couldn't ever imagine still being with him. This way is better for the kids too. We fought in front of them so much when married.

If you really think he is prepared to have marriage counselling with you, be completely transparent with you and tell the OW he'll no longer be in contact. By your means, attempt to salvage this marriage. Perhaps you're still at the stage of wanting to feel you did everything to save it? But I think you'd be wasting your time from what I've read so far. But perhaps my past is tarnishing my pov.

Hope you're ok OP.

YES it's a deal breaker!

There are no grey areas here really are there?- although a cheat will turn themselves inside out trying to create ones.

You're either up to stuff with other women or you're not. You're either behaving inappropriately with other people or you're not. You're either cheating, or you're not.

Dump him.

What have you got really, a man who tries to bully and control you and is having sexual gratification of some kind with another woman, get out now and get a life you deserve.

Deal breaker, what a loser. He clearly loves his cock more than you.