Nc for this. I'm feeling pretty shit about myself atm and would appreciate views/advice/slaps upside the head.
I feel as if I'm incapable of sustaining a long term relationship, and I'm fed up with it. I don't know whether I'm commitment phobic or what it is. I just seem to get cold feet and I just want to be one of those people who can be happy and in love. I feel sad because I'm beginning to think that I'm incapable of it.
I've been with dp for just over three years. We don't live together atm as he is working away and can be away for weeks at a time. He's been here for Easter and I just found it stifling and irritating after a while and was, tbh, a bit relieved when he left. He is lovely but can be quite, idk, clingy? We joke about it but actually sometimes it makes me want to scream.
The thing is that I'm worried that I'm just repeating a pattern. Every medium- to long-term relationship that I've had ends with me feeling stifled and just wanting my own space again. When I was in my twenties I was with a lovely, truly lovely man for three years and in the end I just got bored and fed up and ended it. Then spent several years pining for him 
. My marriage ended after three years (though it was kind of a disaster from day one). Now this.
I know that relationships aren't champagne and roses. I know that couples get fed up with each other, fall in and out of love etc, ups and downs etc. but I'm starting to think that this is it now; that this is the start of the end of yet another relationship. I think I'm missing whatever it is that other people have that makes them able to stay together. I want to stay with dp and have a future and be happy but the thought of it also fills me with dread. Part of me wants to be with dp until we get old. Part of me just wants to be on my own (with ds).
Is there something wrong with me? I was single for a long time after my marriage ended and I do find it hard to adjust to taking another person's opinion into account! Is it me, or him?