separated but living together

[flippyflapper]

hello everyone.

me and husband have been together for 15 years.

the last 6 months have been very rocky with have a lot of problems with husbands family that has been an on going issue. itall came to a head a while back and im seriously done with it.

my h and I had a rocky first few years but after that back in track happy. we have 4dc together.

I know it sounds as if I have bailed out of it all its so long winded and haa ground me down for years and enough is enough.

we rent our house and husband ia staying on tje sofa at the moment. our children are completely unaware as husband works alot anyway.

im worried financially how I am going to manage as I am a stahm.

husband is trying to get money together to get somewhere so he is giving me money for the children and paying for his own food etx but as rent is in my name im going to have to take over!

we still get in well. no arguments. in fact probably better than before as I don't feel stressed at all about all the problems that come with him (harsh I know)

im worried how im going to do this on my own and how husband staying under the one roof is going to pan out. also the children will need to no sooner than later. :(

sorry for typos im on my phone

why can't you work?

at the minute I have 3 uner 2 so a bit caotic.

the older dc goes to school though.

www.entitledto.co.uk here is a benefits calculator.

if you have three under two - you only really have to explain to one kid why daddy is moving out - the others wont care after a couple of days.

I don't really think becauset he lives at home that I would be entitled to anything. that's why I haven't proceeded down that road.

oh they will :( my toddler absolutely idolises him. he is an amazing dad and when he goes to work she gets so upset asking when he will be home. - but I don't have to worry about that just yet.

so you are financially depenand on a man who you dont want to be in a relationship with

suppose he doesn't give you money for whatever reason?

dont wait for things to happen, do your research
so if he moves out - how much will you be entitled to

can you still afford to rent where you are - will you have to downsize or move

do you know how much all the bills are and do they come out of his bank account

joint bank account?

need to close joint bank account and ensure that debt is agreed on and that bills are sorted

do you have a spreadsheet on incoming and outgoings? do you know how much money you are liklley to have left at the end of the week for food, clothes etc after bills are paid?

there is a lot to think about and you really need to start planning and know where you stand

Exactly, I agree.

we have a joint bank account at the moment. I also have a separate savings account where my child tax ans now h money goes into. it pays the rent and little extra.

when he finds somewhere to live I can make more phone calls.

I feel so useless, I need to work but can't see how the hell I can with no one to help with childcare. the twins are still little so difficult

im going to call cab tomorrow too.

I could have written your post myself! Currently 2 months on the sofa myself. Want to separate but not sure how i will cope financially. Some days i think it's manageable but others i can't see any way forward. I told my oh it was over but he refuses to speak. I suspect he has been unfaithful but denies it. Have told a couple of people in rl but I'm too ashamed to admit I'm a 42 year old woman living on a sofa.

oh bimbo im so sorry to hear that.

is your house/rent in your name at all?

sure other posters will be along to help with advice in getting him out!

it's so scarey isn't it, as I have spent many years being a mother and because we met so young I have little to fall back on work wise when little ones go to nursery/school.

I was planning when they are in nursery to goto college , but that won't happen now!

I wish you all the best in this awful position.

Hi flippy, it's a horrible situation isn't it! I think it's quite a common one. The house is in both our names but he pays the mortgage and most bills. I work part time. I think one day i will snap but I'm not sure when that will be. I just feel so sad that my life has come to this. Is your oh looking for somewhere to live? Don't give up your hopes in going to college. I also wish you the best in your situation. It's good being able to chat to someone in the same situation. I think the couple of people I've told in rl are fed up with me because im not doing anything to change things. I know they are right but I'm a coward

I haven't told anyone in rl apart from my mum.

but I feel the same. its nice to be able to talkr about it with someone who is going through the same.

he ia looking for somewhere, but it is impossible to afford at the moment. we do get on well so that helps a lot.

That's good you have your mum to talk to. I haven't told mine as i know she would be up packing my bags for me. Which would be great if I had somewhere to go!im lglad you get on well with your oh. We are barely communicating. Only on essential things like child care etc. Other than that we sit in silence or separately but to be honest it's been like this for years so no difference really. I've had a couple of bad days. Just really weepy at the slightest little thing.

oh bimbo. please tell your mum you need support! could you stay with your mun?
I couldn't toi many kids and mum only has a 2 bed bungalow.

im always here if you need to chat.