Hi all,
I'm having a bit of a hard time with guilt at the moment. I've been with my wife for nearly 10 years but it's looking like it's coming to an end. There are no kids involved. No affairs.
We've worked together for quote a while but had a lot of financial problems. We've worked through this and got the business into a very healthy position, however, past problems have resulted in a lot of resentment towards each other on both parts. She left me 3-4 weeks ago and went back to her mothers. I think she thought her leaving would shock me into missing her and begging her back but in reality I haven't missed her at all. In fact for years I thought I had some kind of mental problem as I was unhappy with zero motivation for anything outside of work. When she left it was like being given a new lease of life. I was driving around in my car singing out loud and so happy. I wasn't doing anything crazy. I haven't been meeting new women, going out with friends, getting wasted every night or anything like that. I've just enjoyed my own company with no pressure to keep anyone else happy.
I've been very aware that she hasn't been happy for the past 3-4 years. As I'm sure she's been aware that I'm not happy. I don't show her much attention. I have no real feelings of love for her anymore, hence why I can't show her the affection she craves. Sex was amazing when we met and was for two or three years but that's fizzled out into awkwardness and rarely happens.
I'm totally sure that we need to call it a day. Without going into loads of details there's a lot of resentment on both parts. My wife has voiced her concerns and unhappiness many times. I've promised to try and change but I can't change everything about myself. She has voice many problems with our relationship in the past. However, now I've mentioned separation she has suddenly decided that everything is her fault and she can change and have a different outlook on life. I don't believe her. I don't feel it's all her fault. It's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. We're both at fault but I feel she's just saying this now as she's panicking the marriage is going to end. Everything with the business and finances will be a real nightmare to sort out too but that's another story.
The problem I'm having now is huge feelings of guilt. Every day she's basically begging me to give it another try. I don't want to but I'm feeling really sad for her and don't want to hurt her but I know if we gave it another try it wouldn't work. I just don't really fancy her anymore. I'd struggle to show affection and give her the attention she craves. I feel like now we've been apart for 3-4 weeks it would be a shame to give in and 'give it another try' only to break up again in another 6 months or a years time.
She's a lovely woman, she's good looking, tidy body, was great in bed and she'd make someone else a lovely wife. I honestly feel she'd be happier with someone else who can treat her the way she desires. There's just too much water under the bridge with us.
What do you think? I haven't been particularly firm with my wife when telling her I want to end it as I don't want to crush her but if she keeps asking me to give it another try every day I'm going to have to be really firm and make it really I obvious it isn't going to happen. The guilt is nearly making me feel like giving it another try but I know it's the wrong thing to do.
What a nightmare.