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Original poster

Dating my ex's brother.. Impossible love?

32 replies

yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 16:19

Hello everyone,

Right were to start? Will try and make is as short as I can!

I met the father of my daughter 3yrs ago after 2month I fell pregnant (was on pill) and thought my little girl was meant to be so I kept her, tried to make it work but found out he was an alcoholic and to be honest I never actually loved him, while I was with him he introduced me to his brother who I became very close friends with, but last year we became close and eventually fell for each other, I love him like I never loved any man, but he founded it very hard, it's been a year that we are together but we still haven't done anything, as he says something blocking him the fact the my daughter is his niece, wish I understand can be very hard, but I have waited a year now.. He still doesn't want to tell his family as he knows his brother will give us so much grief, his brother is very twisted and his scared that with all the grief he will give us he will walk away... But I can't take it anymore, I have lost so much confidence as I keep thinking he maybe doesn't want me, when I know it's just in his head, I want your opinion, is our love impossible? Will we ever be happy? Is our situation to twisted? Will he ever go pass that my daughter is his niece and will want to go all the way with me?

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
Val007 · 21/04/2014 16:22

It's a bit twisted... Doesn't look good, to be honest... What were you thinking?!

Minion100 · 21/04/2014 16:23

I can't help feeling like this is never going to work. I also think it will be very confusing for your daughter. It might also drive a wedge between brothers and between your partner and the rest of his family. I am so sorry you have fallen for this man but it does sound like an impossible situation to me.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 21/04/2014 16:23

I live in the Fens and there is just such a relationship about a mile away, with a child by Brother 1 and 2 by Brother 2.

But it's the Fens.

smellysammy · 21/04/2014 16:26

I always thought they were a funny lot in the Fens.

Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 16:27

As brother they hate each other they never got on in the first place and I know that for my daughter it may be confusing when she gets older, but I love him so much and I know he is the one, we have worsted both so long and still are waiting for the right moment to tell his brother, just so confusing and don't think I could love someone as much as him.

OP posts:
LavenderGreen14 · 21/04/2014 16:29

I don't think it could ever work. He won't tell his family though will he. You can't wait years for nothing to happen can you. I think his family will always be more important than you are.

Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 16:30

Yes you may be right lavender :(

OP posts:
Itsfab · 21/04/2014 16:31

How old are you OP?

And yes, it doesn't seem the best course of action to be wanting to have a relationship with your exes brother.

LittleBlueMouse · 21/04/2014 16:38

I know one couple who started out in the same situation and they are now still together after many years and have children of their own.

She was with one brother from very young, they had young children, he became controlling and physically abusive, he was an alcoholic. The other brother lived in different area, moved back and she became close to him. The two brothers couldn't be more different. The family accepted the situation after a while. From what I do know though, is that it was she who was temporarily ostracised and cast out. Neither brother was to blame! she was cast as a wicked woman. Maybe your DP is trying to save you from this, rather than selfishly trying to keep his own life simple. Ask him?

AdoraBell · 21/04/2014 16:42

You really need to look at this from your DD's perspective. She is very young now but imagine the conversations with friends/colleges/future partners.

What are your family like?

lovely, mum and stepdad are really happy

Ah, your parents are divorced then?

no, they never married

Oops, sorry, my mistake, do you have contact your dad?

all the time

And no probs between him and stepdad?

well they always had a rocky relationship even before I was born

Oh, they knew each other before then

yes, stepdad is dad's brother

Shock WTF? Oh, sorry, erm I meant to say really Confused

I'm sorry OP but I really don't think you can achieve a happy healthy and stable relationship with your child's uncle.

Fasttouch · 21/04/2014 16:46

Wow he must really hate his brother to walk into that kind of situation.

Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 16:47

Itsfab I'm 26!

Littlebluemouse ur story does give hope, but seen from what other girls have said it does seem impossible :( well I have asked him and he does want us to work he has said he will do everything he can so we can be 'happy'.

Adorabell yes when u put it like that it does seem it be hard for her.. Just wish it was easier :'(

OP posts:
Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 16:49

Fast touch yes his brother is a real twisted man and has always be tread his family, hence he would choose me over his family and brother.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 21/04/2014 16:49

I think if after a year he's still unsure of the relationship then he's right to feel that way, I think you should walk away and concentrate on your daughter for now, this relationship will never work and it doesn't sound like he wants it to

Egghead68 · 21/04/2014 16:50

Oh dear. Walk away.

Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 17:04

Thank you for your replies I really appreciate it!!

And might need to think of the next step!

OP posts:
Nowitscleanugobshite · 21/04/2014 17:07

So if you had children they would be half siblings and cousins?? It's not sitting easily with me if I'm honest.

Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 17:11

We wouldn't have children as u don't want anymore and he doesn't want any.

OP posts:
Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 17:11

Sorry I meant I don't want anymore children and he doesn't want any either.

OP posts:
LavenderGreen14 · 21/04/2014 17:14

so why after a year won't he move the relationship forward? You are in love but haven't done anything?

MummyBeerest · 21/04/2014 17:44

Doesn't sound great. And no judgment here; my mother dated my uncle in secret for years.

It didn't end well and family get togethers and holidays are awkward as fuck.

Bottom line-the family always comes first. It may not be perfect or even better, but it's all they know.

Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 17:52

Lavender, he hasn't moved the relationship forward as he says something in his head blocking him I guess it my daughter n fact his brother was with me first, I know he wouldn't keep me waiting for this long for nothing as his not like that but it's a question of when... And if he will ever go pass that...

OP posts:
Original poster
yaniskhalis · 21/04/2014 19:07

And yes we both love each other!

OP posts:
RRRJ83 · 21/04/2014 20:23

Is this only weird to him because you have a daughter with his brother? If you didn't would he even question letting family know?

I know of a few couples who have ended up married to the brother/sister of someone they previously dated. However, they haven't had the added complication of a child by them. Their relationships work. I don't see how it's different from you meeting and marrying a complete stranger or family friend.

It's not impossible love, just will take his brother some getting used to. Personally, he might prefer your new bf and his daughters new male influence to be someone he can trust to put your daughters interests first,
and knows well. It might be easier than you think.

I also wouldn't worry about what conversation your daughter may or may not have with strangers as she explains the situation. If it works for everyone it's irrelevant if others think it's weird.

pebbble · 22/04/2014 20:46

" it's been a year that we are together but we still haven't done anything, as he says something blocking him the fact the my daughter is his niece,"

Can you clarify what you mean by "done anything"?