How important are looks?

[MincingOnBy]

By way of background, I have quite recently split up with xp and I'm keen to get back out there and get on with dating. I want to settle down with a decent man who wants a family and treats me as an equal. I'm in my late 20s so although still fairly young I do feel the biological clock ticking a bit and am not interested at all in time wasters who are only looking for "fun" and no commitment.

I decided to give online dating a go and have been talking to a few guys who seem nice. One in particular seems absolutely lovely, easy to talk to, lots in common, same goals in life, funny and very keen - all seems very promising. The only thing is he is not very good looking and I don't think I fancy him from a physical POV based on his pictures. I haven't met him in person yet but he has asked me to go out this week.

Am I being shallow being hung up on looks? I don't want to dismiss guys who could be really right for me, but then surely physical attraction is important? Sex is very important to me...

Before anyone starts asking if I'm no oil painting myself, I am not perfect but objectively I am definitely much better looking.

I am getting attractive guys chatting to me as well (online and when on nights out etc) but none seem to be great personality-wise or they are messing me around e.g. changing plans last minute and definitely aren't making as much of an effort. With xp I was very attracted to him and there was always chemistry but he was a bit of a shit and played emotional games, everything was always about him.

Never seem to come across perfect men where looks, personality, intelligence, kindness, spark and everything is there.

Do you think looks are more of a minor thing if everything else is right?

I'd definitely meet him in person, as it's really hard to tell if someone is attractive from a photo. I often find people attractive because of their mannerisms or something which doesn't come across in photos.
In a more general sense now I've been married 5 years I'd put attractiveness much lower down on my list of priorities than I would have done prior to meeting my husband.
I thought he was incredibly attractive, and still do when I think about it, but it's other things which define our relationship. He could have had someone much more attractive than me, but he was looking for more lasting qualities.
Though I do agree with the posters who say there needs to be some degree of attraction.

I think looks are very important, but they are also totally subjective, which is why some people are attractive to some and not to others. Al you have to base this on is a photo, but once you meet you get the full range of expressions, voice, smell etc. You'll know when you meet him!

FWIW, I wasn't sure about my DP from his photos. I mean, he looked nice but they weren't the most flattering of pictures, no smiles and an awkward laptop selfie!

I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and it turned out he is the most beautiful man I've ever met in the flesh, he really is perfect to me. I know he's always been considered one of those good looking guys since school, but he takes a terrible photo!

Give it a chance, something is making you look past the obvious with this man, so meet up as soon as you can and then you'll know if there is chemistry.

Of all the men I dated, none of them really looked like the few photos they showed and I'm sure I wasn't quite the well groomed, well-lit preening person I appeared from my profile pics either!

I'd say there has to be some kind of attraction but you won't know if it's there until you meet him. I think my husband is lovely but in all honesty he is quite average looking and wouldn't turn every head walking down the street. He is however, very magnetic in person and one of the best men I have ever met. He wouldn't be short of offers should we ever separate.

I am the opposite to him I think. Quite stereotypically attractive in the slim, big chest, blonde hair type of way but I 'm quite socially awkward, don't have nearly as many friends as my husband and I'm not as good of a person. The good looking guys who might mess you around are a type because lots of people are shallow and good looks afford you options. I got away with quite bad behaviour in my younger relationships because I quickly got wise to the fact that lots of men put value in having a desirable partner at all costs.

I've been doing OD and I met a guy last Tuesday for a drink. Not really my type looks wise but he's really tall which is a big thing for me being tall myself.

We had a nice evening and enjoyed his company but like you his looks were making me over think things.

We arranged another date for Saturday and I nearly cancelled, I'm so glad I didn't! I met him and we went walking and then had a pub tea. And I found myself really warming to him.

He's a really nice guy and I'm seeing him again at the weekend!

Go for it...you never know!