now middle age spread!!

[middleagecrisis]

I have had problems recently with dp. Many mums here gave fantastic advice. Myself and dp have had a good deep conversation and I have expressed my concerns. Mainly that he takes me for granted and completely self centered at the moment and his lack of ability of being truthful. It was a good heart to heart and we both expressed alot and took responsibility for what we could do to improve.I had come out ofit feeling quiet strong and loved and our relationship balanced again. I was feeling positive and hopeful and confident.
I have always been a strong woman/independant and told I make the best of myself in appearance. I suppose we all have insecurities and could have improvements here and there. But getting to the age I am now I had become a little less self critical of myself and others. I mean in appearance. Enjoying people for who they are. Not having preconceived ideas based on appearance - good and bad.
So roll on today. I receive photographs from a recent event I was at.
Now I know i have put on some weight due to an accident. But I felt I still looked well. However, when I saw these photographs I couldn't quite believe it was me. I had aged so much. My lovely hair was now littered with grey roots, bags forming under eyes, skin emmulating a high blood pressured elderly man, boobs hovering down near waist.
I'm painting a horrific picture but that is what I saw. I reverted back to my critical self, but this was beyond a joke.
Was the mirror upstairs fooling me the last while? How could I have not been aware that this is how I look.
So i sat down and felt v depressed... and one thought came to my mind. If i saw myself like this then everyone does and more so my dp. No wonder he has been less interested.it isn't just his workload etc. I am not the women I used to be. Recently wearing a lovely number (or so I thought) must have been grotesque on reflection. It isn't just age, I need a serious MOT/ or a magic wand. I feel utterly depressed, unattractive and old. (40). I wanted to ring him and end it and not tell him why. That's how irrational and mortified I felt. He may love me for who I am ,,,, but I don't love me for how I look.

oH ffs grow up. Stop whinging. You're ageing. You and the rest of the world. Get fit, lose weight, get face cream. then forget it.

I'm also middle aged (older than you) and it was a photograph that stopped me dead in my tracks as well. That is not how I envisioned myself looking!!

I made some serious changes and I look much better now.

Don't know how it took a photograph, don't you bother with a mirror? (not being rude, tough love).

Get a make over, hair done, lose weight, change your lifestyle and set yourself free :) :)

ok let me explain this... for those of you who are 'quote' ffs black and white.
when you're in front of a mirror you try stuff on. you hold yourself up and you can see an 'overall' ok image.

However in reality a few photographs when you aren't on guard and they are taken shows the true image. Like when you try an outfit on in shops it looks good bring it home try it on and it looks awful.

It is similar to how people look at themselves and say i'm fat and are obviously suffering with a condition where they see that but in reality they are opposite. it's mental and unexplainable to normal folk.

I have realised that i have been kidding myself in a similar manner. I look and think not bad but in reality now I realise it's bad!! Arseways perception of how I think I look versus reality!! It hit me today and it's painful to see. That's all.

well done wrapdress, that's great to hear.

Oh sorry, it sounds deep image thing. (I've had a drink). How would you like to look, that's different, start from there?

The thing is, I hate myself in photos too but everyone says I look great. perhaps they're just being kind. (Sudden loss of confidence).

I really hope I haven't offended you :(

Op I've had exactly the same experience , it's quite horrifying . A friend handed me a photo of an event I was at. When I looked at it I saw a very unattractive , overweight woman with a really odd face. I was just about to ask my friend who it was when I noticed my daughter was also on the picture. Then I realized it was me. I felt like bursting into tears . I felt like the most ugliest person in the world and pondered if people actually laughed at me. I asked my friend if that's how I always looked and she said yes , actually she had thought it was a really good picture. This made me even more upset as I thought if this is a good one what on earth must I look like in general ?

I was mortified and while the feeling faded I have never forgotten it.it left me really quite upset for some time .I felt self conscious going out and like people were sniggering. In truth I wasn't grossly overweight , and it was a unflattering angle , and had unfortunately caught a unusual expression. To this day I avoid having my photograph taken.

Similar thing happened to me middleaged. It was a couple of years ago and my wonderful cousins had visited from the US and kindly sent some photos. Instead of being pleased to have the memories instead I was horrified by the old, fat, yellow teethed crone I seemed to have become.

I posted, but was in chat I think so it will have gone poof. I got some lovely replies from mumsnetters about how to pose for photos - sideways and put your tongue on the roof of your mouth.

You're absolutely right that true happiness comes from inside, but it sometimes helps to focus on the external.
If you currently don't take any exercise, then it might be a good time to start - pilates or yoga would help you to look more poised, and get a pedometer and start counting your steps. Go and get a bra fitting at Bravissimo or John Lewis and treat yourself to some new ones - an ill fitting bra will be the cause of the hang. Get your hair done - I look out for groupon deals to have it highlighted cheaply.

Hope you feel happier today.

Ah it was in AIBU so it's still there - hope this helps a bit www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1485266-To-be-upset-that-I-look-bloody-awful-in-some-photos

Hugs OP. I know how you feel. I am 44 and in a similar position. I think it would not be so bad if we had super demonstrative/ appreciative DHs. I don't feel desired in the same way and I feel that compounds the problem.

I also don't "see" myself as I really am and it is horrible when confronted with reality.