Ive just realised after 36 years my mother is a vain, conceited, self centred, shallow person..

[ghostmous3]

She's always been quite hard to get along with, and made much of my childhood, teens and early 20s quite miserable but since my dad died we have got along reasonably well.

I think the icing on the cake has been this weekend when she refused to buy my step daughters a pound easter egg, saying that she really couldnt afford 2 pounds and then just text me to say could I have her hound for an extra night as she is going to a karaoke with her new boyfriend.

She has never missed an easter visit with my kids either until this year, has bought them nothing..her text said she is too busy with the boyfriend to come round, she lives 5 minutes away by car.

She always asking me for money from ds dla as she is broke then i find she has spent it on nails or hair.

Does fake laugh every 5 minutes and hair tossing with I am so beautiful for 65 arent I and then says in the same breath to me that my clothes are awful and im too fat these days andbher boyfriend hates fat women, dm is very slim

And her bloody hound has just pissed and crapped all over my sofa grrrr

Gosh i sound quite jealous there, im not, she is attractive for 65 and has netted a toyboy of 49. Good onher and for losing weight too. I think she is just thoughtless and selfish really, i am annoyed at my treatment of the stepdaughters, i bought them an extra egg to compensate.

Send her a bill for the sofa cleaning.

Stop giving or lending her money.

Refuse to look after the dog in future.

Accept that she puts her new bf before you and your dc.

Learn to expect little or nothing from her, then you can't be disappointed.

Focus on yourself as a mother. And this might sound weird, but learn to mother yourself - look after yourself, nurture yourself, spoil yourself with a little treat every now and then.

And start reading the Stately Homes threads. You are not alone on this one.

X post. No, you do not sound jealous.

This is about much more than 2 Easter eggs, isn't it?

The dog pissed and shat all over your sofa??? WTAF???

Why are you not calling her to take dog away. Are you going to let it happen again?

Honestly she just laughs when i tell her about the dog. Oh darling just get some throws, thats what i do and pop them in the wash.

She is all i have apart from dp and the kids. Her own mother is extremely toxic and she had a terrible childhood.

oh yes my issues go far beyond 2 easter eggs, she out my two brothers in care when i was five then told me to act as if they were dead! And i had to tell people they were dead when they asked.

it goes on..

I cant get hold of ger, presumably she is getting pissed in the pub

Although I would be very tempted to take the dog to her and leave it there, this would probably be quite cruel for the dog!

Deal with today's situation as best you can. Then give yourself some space from her to help you deal with the wide range of crap she has thrown your way.

Ive shut the dog in our back hall with food and water, shes not a horrible dog, shes a mad yorkie and very loving but very badly trained and hyper.

I do wonder if the dog is better of with us sometimes, poor thing is farmed out to whoever will have her at the weekends. She once threw the dog across the kitchen in temper because she was stressed cos the dog wouldnt go in her basket.

She threw the dog??

I hope, most sincerely, that she never has oversight on her own of your kids.

Well she sounds like a complete nightmare but she only treats you this way because you allow it. When she next asks for money laugh in a fake way, toss your hair in an aren't I young & lovely way & then tell her to sod off!

I know, it sounds awful, it was awful, i saw it happen, The dog landed against the kitchen cupboards on the other side of the room. I did say to dm if i ever saw that again i would not hesitate to contact the rspca. The
Dog was ok but one of my dds witnessed it and was
not ok.

There is so much more but too much for here really.

Yeah the money lending i am getting wise too and i did say no last week. I was so proud!

i got my first payment of carers through and made the mistake of telling her, she said Now I can come to you for subs when Im broke. Cheeky bitch!

Does she pay you back the money you 'lend' her?

Not always, she makes me feel so guilty if i dont lend her the money though. Yes i know im pathetic.

I did stand up to her last week when she rang me to google bus times from her boyfriends village to town asthey were going on a night out to town. There werent any and I said well you will have to get a taxi like everybody else, her fella is loaded apparantly.

She rings back 10 mins later to ask if i could drive 10 miles to pick them up, then 10 miles to town, then back to where i live, I said what now?and she said oh no 830 pm 2 hours time! The kids would have been in bed! I said eerrr noo, and was she going to to pay my petrol money. Deathly pause and she replied well no, im your mother. She got told to fuck off on that one but politely

sorry for rambling

What would you do/say to all of this if the person concerned were a friend or older acquaintance?

It's great that the scales have fallen from your eyes OP. She is a selfish user and she is taking money from your DC that they need for their care. Would you let anyone else do that?
You need to get a bit angrier. How dare she treat you like this? Doesn't your DP get fed up with her?

I vote you make a resolution to stop giving her money and stop doing her favours when it is a one way process.

Jesus Christ.

Where are your brothers now OP?

How can you even look at the piece of shit? You're a mother yourself (a real one, not the parody that this grim excuse for a woman might call herself). How can you bear to see her, have your precious children even touch her?

Get her out of your lives. Do your children a HUGE favour and start them along the road to forgetting the bitch ever existed.

She isn't 'all you have'. She isn't anything. All she will do for you is make what you do have into less: your childrens' secure lives, your happy relationship. She takes away from you, not gives. She isn't a mother.

I'm sorry but did you say she put your brothers in care and then made You pretend they were dead? I really don't know what to say op, I'm gobsmacked

She sounds horrendous! I can't see why or how you put up with her! :o

FUCK that was supposed to