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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH freind is srtaying over and i'm paraniod

14 replies

SpanielEars · 23/08/2006 14:52

I'm probably being really silly but i'm really worried. Dh is going on a fishing hol with his mates next friday. he has asked me if one of his mates can stay the night on thursday but the problem is i've never met him and i feel weird about it. DH only knows him through the fishing shop he goes to so even he doens't know him that well. We live in a 2 bed house so he will be sleeping on the sofa downstairs but for some reason i've got it in my head that he may go into my DDs room when we are all asleep (may be i watch too many awful tv programmes!). Don't ask me why but the thought came into my head and now i can't get rid of it. I've spoken to DH and told him how i feel and he tells me that the guy has his own kid and that he wouldn't let him stay if he didn't think it was ok. I'm seriously thinking about sleeping in DD's room with her. Am i being silly?

OP posts:
girrafey · 23/08/2006 14:55

no i would feel the same. if you dh really wants him to saty let him stay in your dd's room and have her in with you for 1 night. x

girrafey · 23/08/2006 14:56

the friend in your dd's room, not dh obviously. x

PinkTulips · 23/08/2006 14:56

relax, it's just the normal mommy paranoia working overtime. we all get it from time to time.

if it would help you could you take dd's into your room for the night on the pretense of giving him the room? either that or put a babymonitor in the room at top voume so you'd hear any sound of movement.

honestly though, especially if he has a kid of his own i seriously doubt you've anything to worry about

eefs · 23/08/2006 14:57

yes a little, but I think you should sleep in your DD's room or bring her into your bed that night anyway if it helps you get some rest. Don't let your DH's friend know why though, highly insulting.

Original poster
SpanielEars · 23/08/2006 15:05

i def wouldn't let on to the guest (Ollie)as he's probably a really genuine guy. Its just having never met him and knowing that DH doens't know him all that well i can't help but worry. I think i will opt for sleeping in DD's room ont he sofa bed. Not sure she would settle in our room. Mother in law lives down the road with brother in law and brother in law is also going on this holiday so i've thought of suggesting ollie stays there.i really don't want to piss DH off with all this. my mum suggested going to the cinema that night with her but i really can't stand the thought of not being in the house to protect DD when a stranger is there......i'm getting myself in a real state here!!

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 23/08/2006 15:09

sit back and take a deep breath SE.

don't panic about it, trust DH to look after dd for the evening and spend the night in her room if it makes you feel safer. no point overthinking it and working yourself into a state

essbee · 23/08/2006 15:14

Message withdrawn

SSSandy · 23/08/2006 15:26

How old is dd? Could she spend the night at MIL's? I think it's fine for you to sleep with dd if it puts your mind at rest.

Original poster
SpanielEars · 23/08/2006 15:29

she is 14 months. i don't speak to MIL - thats another story!(DD seems to have picked up on the atmosphere and screams whenever she sees her) - She could stay with my mum but she was there on saturday night whilst we were at a wedding and i don't want to take the piss. reckon i will just sleep in her roomw ith her and hope that DH doens't think i'm odd.

OP posts:
SSSandy · 23/08/2006 15:32

Ah ok usual MIL situation! Maybe go to a special effort to make something nice for his friend's visit. Let him see you making his friend welcome and then I don't see how he could take offence at you sleeping with dd as a precaution.

Original poster
SpanielEars · 23/08/2006 15:41

or tell him he can sleep in his fishing tent in the garden!!! heehee.

Thanks for the advice all. I'm smiling now and more chilled.

OP posts:
wannaBe1974 · 23/08/2006 16:45

I don't think it would ever occur to me that a friend of dh's staying over might molest my child. Just because you don't know him doesn't make him a threat, 95% of children who are abused are abused by someone close to them, so tbh I think you are being completely over paranoid.

oxocube · 23/08/2006 18:46

SE, personally, I think you are being over-anxious. It would not in a million years occur to me that one of my husband's friends (or friends of friends and we have had quite a few people staying in our house whom neither dh or I have met) would molest my children. But if it bothers you so much, have your dd sleep in your bed with you and your dh for the night. You don't have to say anything to your guest and could always say she had a bad dream etc if it comes up in conversation!!

wartywarthog · 23/08/2006 19:25

I think you're worrying too much, but since you're worrying about it, sleep in her room. Nothing to lose, and you'll feel better about it. I wouldn't stop your dh's friend coming to stay.

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