Is this normal?

[muchtooshy]

I am not an experienced dater so this will prob all sound really stupid but I have these worries and I don't know if it is normal.

I met a man on line and we have been dating for a couple of months now. It seemed to get serious fast I think. I look forward to seeing him and think about him when I am not with him. (We both work shifts and he has a son that he sees a lot of.)

I worry that I am falling for him and that he might not feel the same way.

I am worried that he will get bored of me. He is older and more experienced.

I am worried because I don't really know what a proper relationship is supposed to be like.

He is really nice and I like him a lot and feel stronger than I have about anyone else so I don't want my worries to mess it up.

I just am bad with men. On the first date I had no idea what he thought of me and was sure he was going to say he wasn't interested because I guess I have no clue of the signs!

Chill out! If he's still seeing you, he's interested! :)

It honestly doesn't matter what others think about us anyway, we're good enough for us, and that's what's important!b

much isn't it awful when you feel like your past is so full of mistakes that you question your own judgement.
I find myself ringing my best friend and asking her all the time about my relationships. she cannot understand why I am so paranoid about it... but I had 2 disastrous relationships and think my judgement must be way off because I never saw the signs. trouble is that now I am so busy looking for signs it is going wrong that I can't enjoy it

When you stop and see that despite the past, you're still here, alive and kicking, and not destroyed, you can see that you'll be ok no matter what happens.

Fear is normal when you've suffered, but it's not rational to apply it to everyone.

Having got through a 10yr abusive relationship, when i'd done the freedom programme and some counselling and therapy I still felt scared, but the longer things went on, the less scared I was.

Only when I was able to talk through my fears, and realise that I was in a lot more control over the relationship than I thought I was, and could end it if I wasn't happy, did I start to relax and feel better about things.

Hissy's right. You're good enough for you so flip your thinking around.... urgently. He's the lucky one that you agree to spend time with him. He should be worried that you'll get better offers. He should be grateful that a younger woman like you wants to knock around with an older single guy...

Then enjoy it for what it is rather than thinking too far ahead.

I don't really have much relationship experience. Growing up I only really saw relationships between people who were bad for each other or where one did all the running. It makes me feel like I don't know what normal is. So it isn't previous relationships that I have had I don't think. The only other relationship I was in was short lived but he said all the right things and then it was all lies.

At the moment it feels like the minute I relax and really fall for him something will go wrong or he will change his mind and not want anything serious after all.

The 'something will go wrong' feeling is just your insecurity and inexperience talking. The only way to get past that is to date a few, chuck a few, break a few hearts & get your corners knocked off. There are worse things than being dumped.... life goes on.

Even if he did 'decide he's not serious' that's fine. It's not a reflection on you.

I wish I knew how to read signs.

I am trying to believe that I would be ok if he decided he didn't want to be serious but I am really falling for him.

Love is a risky business. Falling for someone makes you vulnerable. It's what makes adult romantic relationships exciting ... it's how you know you're alive. :) There are no 'signs' really you just have to listen to what someone is saying & observe how they are behaving. If at any stage you feel uncomfortable or unhappy then simply end it and move on. If you find you're acting out of character or tolerating shoddy treatment because you don't want to be dumped... have a word with yourself.

I was really hoping that there were signs. Or a check list!

He is treating me far better than I am used to so I guess I am just waiting for it to go wrong.

There's no check list. If there was, no-one would ever end up with the wrong person. If you're determined to wait for it to go wrong & if you're a pessimistic or insecure person by nature, there's not a lot anyone can do to dissuade you. Good luck