Our marrit age has been in the pits for quite while. We have had fairly major issues around parenting our 3 dc and the way he talks to me. He is a controlling person and can be very patronising and demeaning which over the years has ground me down. His approach to parenting is to shout and bully (in my view). Life is calmer and more predictable when he is away.
He was diagnosed with depression and things hit rock bottom around Xmas last year. And one of the things to suffer was our sex life. We have now not had sex for 6 months... to me sex is wrapped up in enjoying being with someone. I couldn't have sex with someone i barely liked to be around.
So a few months ago he stopped going on about sex, he put a pillow between me and him in the bed. He also texted me about 2 months ago saying he was stuck at work but then I got a text 5 seconds later saying "kettle on!". I looked on his phone later as I knew something was dodgy and saw the cryptic name he then sent the small text to (after I told him he had made a mistake). To be honest I ignored it after that, there wasnothing incriminating on the phone. He has been away with work and going out a lot recently, every night last week so yesterday I thought I would just take a look again. His logs show he contacts this woman every evening and he had been careless and left message string behind.... It was pretty disgusting about what he wanted to do to her. Since then I have had one more look (as he kept sneaking off with his phone of a day trip out) but he has cleared the logs and changed her name on his phone. It's obvious what it is now though and he contacted her again last night. Not sure if he suspects I know.
So what do I do now. I am a bit numb about it, but not devastated. I have felt waves of panic over the last year that I would be trapped in a shit marriage that was sapping me of my confidence. I just didn't have the guts to be brave and proactively leave.
And now it has come to a head, no way will we salvage anything from this. Whatever threads our marriage was hanging on by have gone. But I am not sure what to do next.... I don't need to do an all out screaming match, but I am still scared and nervous. As soon as the words are out my mouth my world changes...