How do you be one of those people that just gets on with everyone?

[BritainHasNoTalent]

As per title really.

I have friends, but I would not say that I get on with everybody. I think there are a fair few people that don't like me. They are usually people that want to be friends with me but I won't do everything that they say, so they end up falling out with me.

I don't know if maybe I get too involved with people. Perhaps I need to keep people at arm's length a bit more?

I would be very interested to hear of others' experiences and advice. :)

I don't get involved in drama or other peoples business. I don't go and sit in peoples houses and gossip. I used to, when i was younger, and i certainly wasn't popular.

Now i keep myself to myself, and everybody stops to chat with me, i get on with everyone. Probably coz they know I'm not going to be going around gossiping.

Not saying you are a gossip btw

It isnt possible to get on with everybody unless you turn yourself into a people pldasing doormat who places everyone on top of them in the pecking order at all times.
because sometimes you will come up against a horrible, unreasonable user and that is the only way to 'get on' with them!

what you can do is be selective about who you let into your life beyond a superficial level, so that you have only people is is possible to get on with, and are just courteous to all others, and accept that nobody likes or is liked by everyone and thats fine.

and its ok to disagree sometimes even with people you like or love.

Thanks PublicEnemy!

I have tried in recent months to detach myself a little from people at, for example, my DCs school. I try not to get involved in too much chit chat at drop off and collection, as I have seen some there get very involved with each other and then it has all turned sour.

Thanks Hecate. That's very wise advice

I think that my problem is in the past I have let people into my life too quickly, or to keep things nice, and then have been crapped on from a great height.

I do tend to get on with most people. I think it's because I am genuinely interested in people, so I ask questions and listen a lot. i can usually find common ground between us. I'm also down to earth and know how to make people laugh so I think this puts them at ease.

Interesting question. I'll tell you how, but wouldn't recommend it!

I've discovered that I'm one of those likeable people - clients, students, colleagues and so on just like me. I think I'm good at empathy and figuring out how to make them feel good about themselves plus I'm jolly and have one of those pleasant but not pretty faces that people find unthreatening. V helpful as a freelancer! But it comes at a price including not being assertive. I'm a bit of a perfectionist over friendships and relationships can torture myself over having said something that might have upset them or about letting them down by not being kind/thoughtful/tactful all the time. It got quite bad in the past but since having DS I haven't got the energy for it which is nice!

I guess I'm interested in the opposite - how do you not be someone who everybody likes (and be happy about it)?

I dont think you can be happy about it. Nobody likes to not be liked but you can be ok with it if you can see that different personalities sometimes just dont gel and it's not necessarily anybody's fault, it's just one of those things.
and if you are able to select those who you feel you want in your life and not just tolerate everyone because you're scared to not be liked.
and also put people into groups. Its possible to get on with mostly everyone on a superficial, exchanging greetings, chit chat about the weather way.
then you have people in a different group who you are a bit closer to, and another set you are closer still with, iyswim.
then you have a group you are more intimate with. These people are the ones you are open with, who you really show yourself to and who are as open with you in return. Its really offputting when someone you barely knows blurts their life story at you in an attempt to create closeness. You have to proceed naturally to that level, not have it lobbed at you.
layers of an onion, to use what is probably wanky self improvement speak.

I'd settle for being ok hecate good answer. There are some people who say "if people don't like me it's their problem" - I think that's what I meant.

OP if I've understood you correctly what you've had is feeling you're close to/liked by people and then getting burned? I think hecate and you are right about taking time to open up to people. Also, it's not realistic to be close to too many people and keep those good relationships going because they take time. Better to have a few trusted pals and "do no harm" with others than try to be liked by everyone I guess.

People often stop & speak to me, at school, in street, supermarket ect but I'm defiantly not someone who gets on with everyone & not everyone likes me, I don't really care tho as my friends are my friends & I trust them completely!! I have a friend that tries to be friends with everyone & it just causes her endless problems!!

Be yourself & don't worry about unimportant people

At work I am considered to be a nice, pleasant, cheerful person, very willing to help people, and considered popular with the rest of the team by my manager.

I have worked hard at that, especially as in the past I've had low self esteem, and have been considered insular by one manager who totally underestimated the effect of only having partial hearing.

I have chosen to be friendly to, but not overly close to, my work colleagues. I like them, but I've never mixing work and friendship again. Had a real issue once.

In my personal life, I am generally cheerful and pleasant to everyone, but I only have a couple of close friends. I think some people don't like me, but I really don't give a fuck. This is me, take it or leave it.

OP, you may indeed find it helpful to keep some distance at the school, I have seen it go sour for others, but being cheerful and polite actually has helped me to keep some distance. I can pass the time of day with some superficial chit chat that is effectively non-committal, and some people simply can't see that I'm in reality keeping some distance. It's the cheerfulness I think, it gets mistaken for being friends. Suits me because then I'll take my time in assessing someone before deciding whether I want to be friends.

This isn't about being two-faced. I'm simply allowing people to see one top level of the person I am before letting a few people see the more in depth bits of me. I'm still cheerful and pleasant when you get to the deeper parts of me.

Thank you everyone!

I think the key then is to remain 'distant but polite' with most people and just be proper friends with a chosen few then? Also I have had a habit in the past of being dragged into other peoples' dramas and then taken the flack for things that were nothing to do with me. This used to happen to me quite a lot at school, as my best friend was very cunning and used to engineer situations so that I would take the blame. It has also happened in recent years when two friends fell out, but one of them dragged me into things and then of course I ended up losing a friend and they are both friends again now.

"I'm sorry, I really am not willing to get involved"

and refuse to talk about it, and certainly never ever ever make a single comment.

That invariably comes back and bites you on the bum!

They can't drag you into something that you refuse to so much as comment on!

Just to say - I am one of those people who gets on with everyone, and I follow a lot of the things mentioned here, but I often worry about the superficial nature of a lot of my friendships. The grass isn't always greener. One truly good friend is worth hundreds of acquaintances.

My working life often puts me in the path of some really shitty people and, for me to be successful, I've had to develop 'two-faced' to Olympic standards. I also take part in a hobby, run unfortunately by a woman I can't stand. But I love the hobby more than I can't stand her so, rather than flouncing off and missing out, I'm operating the same tactics. Suppose it makes me quite manipulative but I rationalise it that I've chosen to use my gifts for good rather than evil.