Is this always a massive red flag?

[treesandabride]

I have had a crazy week! I met a guy on Tuesday, we clicked straight away and have spent most of the week together due to us coincidentally both being on leave this week.

We get on extremely well, I feel very comfortable and relaxed with him and there is definitely a lot of chemistry.

Despite only meeting this week, we have already had sex...

Anyway, we went out last night and he was saying that he could see us being together long term, that he really wants to get to know me better, that I have the potential to be his soul mate, that he thinks that he could really fall in love with me, mentioned me and my DD moving in with him, having kids etc. This was too be fair after a bit to drink. He has invited me to a trip abroad in a couple of months to a friend's wedding (which was mentioned sober). This has all made me feel quite uncomfortable as it seems a bit too soon. He apologised and hoped that I am not put off and will slow down. However it just made me sooo uncomfortable although I still really like him. I don't know if he is just a bit over enthusiastic or if this is signs of psychopathy and he is a complete nutcase...

I have had some really, really shit relationships in the past so have had my fingers burnt several times and don't really know whether I am being reasonable in being a bit scared by these proclamations despite only meeting him this week!

As long as he respects your protests about the relationship moving too quickly I wouldn't consider it a red flag. If he starts to get pushy that's when I would be concerned and consider calling it a day.

What she said!

What GoAhead said.

I married the man who talked about wedding plans the second day we were together - ten years later still very happy

You guys seem to have had a fab time and he is basing his words on this. Yes it's quick but he was drunk and I don't think it is necessarily the signs of a psychopath!

See how it goes.

There may be a reason why you got uncomfortable with him mentioning all those plans.

Talking about plans is not necessarily bad, but if he pushes you, then it can be, yes. Particularly because you have children.

I had moved in with my ex DP after 2 weeks, he was a bit smitten but we were together 15 years but he's now my ex for a reason

Maybe it isn't always a huge red flag to be enthusiastic...

... but to the extent that it makes you uncomfortable, yes I think it is one. The problem in my opinion about rushing to the soul mate, move in together, shared holiday, your DD moving in thing talk is that it puts pressure on you to reciprocate and rush into things without really having a chance to work out how you feel, taking your time and getting to know him.

You are a mum with responsibilities to your daughter. You aren't about to move your daughter in with someone you just met, are you? I say this not because I don't believe you realise this, but because I don't think he does. He's rushing along with the fun of things like its a teenage romance (and that's the best case scenario making the assumption he isn't a predator), and you are flattered but your life can't be that carefree or simple. Surely he shouldn't need to be told that? How old is your DD? He's suddenly decided in the past week that he wants to be a father figure in the life of a girl he hasn't met yet? At best he's in fantasyland, you dont know him.

How old is your dd? Has she met him yet?!

After a week this would freak me out but then I like things to move at my pace in relationships (which would be slow )

I would say that yes, since you haven't even known him for a week yet, and you are presumably both older than 15, this is a big red flag.

Slow it right down. Find out more about him (and about previous relationships). Your responsibility is to your DD.

Could go either way really.. In my experience some men only say these commitment type things because they believe it's what all women are desperate for. Also used as trick to get a woman in bed!!! However there are some men who really wear their heart on their sleeve & go for it.. But as a singleton in very suspicious of men like that being players or if they're genuinely soppy I find that a turn off because there's no chase!!!

Yep, I'm a screw up, that's why I'm single

I mean he could have just said, I've enjoyed the half week we've spent together, I'd love to get to know you better - can we do something [insert day not too suffocatingly close like tomorrow but not too far away - in the next week or two]?

And that would have been normal and lovely to hear without all the weird 'you're maybe the one' overly keen immature stuff.

Maybe he is pushy and it's a huge red flag.

Or maybe he's gone home with his head in his hands going 'argh I can't effing BELIEVE I said all that so soon, what was I THINKING, she's going to run MILES' etc etc. In which case it's fine.

Time will tell you which :)