Are long term single men in their mid 30's really to be avoided?

[celine11]

I am 35 and single, have been for a few years and haven't really been looking as I lost my previous partner to cancer. I went back to uni and moved back to my home town. Currently staying with my parents.

I have met a man though a mutual friend. He seems really nice, he is also 35, he has his own business and I find him attractive and I feel there is a bit of a spark. He is a bit shy and he hasn't ever had a girlfriend as far as I know he is very short, only 5 foot 5 and my friend says he was pretty much over looked by women due to his looks I can see he might not be every womans cup of tea but I think he is attractive.

I guess I am waiting till I see him again to see if the chemistry is still there and if it is maybe ask him out. I spoke to my girlfriends about this though and the general feeling was if he is still single at 35 and especially his lack of dating experiance means that is a huge red flag. I think he had a few short term (lasting a few weeks) relationships in his 20's but he always lost out to the other guy.

I think he puts all his energy into his business and hobbies as an outlet and I can imagine he has his life set up just as it suits him but I do get the sense of his interest and his loneliness.

Anyway what do you think, am I swimming into dangerous waters here, anything i need to know about?

Does it heck mean they're gay.
My best male friend, godfather to my dc is mid 30's and hasn't met the right person yet.

He's quite shy, very intelligent, and one of the funniest people I know, he's by no means a munter and has a really good job. I know he'd love to meet somebody.

He still lives at home with his parents, this is because his mum sadly developed early onset dementia and he postponed his house buying plans in order to support his dad in caring for her - until the time comes when she needs higher intensity care that it wouldn't be appropriate for him to deliver. His siblings are also very supportive and one other younger sib lives at home too.
People he works with and chats to on a day to day basis wouldn't know this though.
I bet some of them think he's strange for living at home, or gay

Well I'm a long term single in my mid thirties...probably due to mh issues caused by abusive ex. That puts lots off but depends on the person I guess.

Give it a go. There are lots of reasons why a man may be single at 35. In my mind it's preferable to having lots of baggage and step children etc.
My OH was 36 when we met, he had only a couple of girlfriends before me, he was shy with women. We have been together 18 years and he is the most caring loving man and a great father. He is still shy with women ( except me) but it's quite nice having a man that doesn't flirt with the ladies.

In the interests of providing a balanced view, id say, be careful.
No, it doesnt mean there is anything wrong with him, there are lots of reasons why someone might not have had a proper girlfriend by that age.... however, it is quite unusual and can be because of various not so nice reasons.

I was told by MN a good few years ago, that dating a man who was 30 and had only had sex once in his life, was a good thing, that i was a bad person for judging him and that it was nice as i could teach him about sex.
Truth was, there was a reason he hadnt had sex, because he was weird and no other woman would entertain him. Found this out to my own detriment.

I have friends who have had similar experiences.

Im not saying dont give him a chance, but do so with your eyes open, and keep in mind what you are looking for in a relationship and make sure your needs arent pushed aside.

Celine you've told us he's been "pretty much over looked by women due to his looks" and put "all his energy into his business and hobbies as an outlet". I really don't know why your GFs think this this is such a red flag; it's not his fault he's not a hunk and hasn't been a babe-magnet, and at least he's ploughed his energy into something constructive rather than wallow in self pity!

I've met a few men in their 30s, even 40s, who have very little experience with women, but they've been nice and sexual experience isn't an issue because, as clean slates, you can teach them how to please you rather than get them out of bad habits. They were shy or physically unattractive to women in their youth, meaning they didn't gain experience whilst their peers did, which caused anxiety in this area, getting worse as they got older. They admitted they thought women would expect them to know what to do at their age, to lead in the bedroom, and they didn't have a clue. This lack of confidence meant they put dating on the back burner. It certainly didn't mean they were gay or misogynist.

Give him a chance. Go in with an open mind, with your spidey senses on alert as you should in any relationship and see what happens.

I'd be more wary of a divorced man.

It seems that the majority of people divorce in their 30s due to abuse or infidelity. Not many with young children divorce due to incompatibility...they usually wait until the kids are older if it's not "that bad".

Just my perception!

I'm long term single but then I've had MH problems since 2009 - dated a bit during this time but that's all.

Some people would consider my MH history to be a massive 'red flag' I suppose - but I'm recovered now. Just need to get my confidence up around men really.

Everyone is worth a chance IMHO and think it's too hard to tell.

I work predominantly with men (engineer) and there are lots of single guys ranging from 20-50 with little/no experience with women. Some are genuinely great guys and would probably make decent partners. However, being engineers, others are just plain odd in a bad way.

The only thing I'd be wary about is a long term singleton being stuck in their ways and selfish/uncompromising as a result. Surely there's no harm in dating though. If you don't like him after a few more dates then you can call it off?

A family member is now happily settled at 37, but was single for about 8 years from late 20s to mid-30s. In his case, he's just a really, really quiet bloke. Good-looking enough, funny, intelligent but just always seemed to be the nice guy that was friends with women rather than partner material. He had a very messy breakup/broken engagement with a longterm partner and just lived quietly by himself for years after that. I think he was a bit depressed. He then got back in touch with a former girlfriend from uni and they now have a baby. It really can just be circumstances.

My fella was late 30s when I met him, no kids, 2 previous relationships but never lived with a woman.

He's good looking, sociable, very funny, and the kindest man I have ever met. He's just not really drawn to short-term relationships (and has absolutely no radar for when someone is flirting with him).

He's my best friend, a brilliant dad, and dead sexy.

You never know when you've stumbled across treasure

My sisters lovely husband was single until he met her at age 33. She was even his first proper girlfriend. He is just quite shy and couldn't be any lovelier, they are very happy together and have two children. Think it's ten years for them this year.

Whatever happened to not judging a book by its cover? How can your friends know he has serious character flaws/is a psycho/is damaged without knowing him? Stop this silliness and find out for yourself, don't let your airhead friends run your life.

Business growing may be part of the reason for his being single for a while. Nothing necessarily to be suspicious about.