Emotionally abusive husband won't accept it's over

[Holly300]

I told my ea husband a couple of weeks ago that I want to separate/divorce. At the time he seemed like he was in agreement and we had planned to tell the kids this morning. Kids stayed at my parents last night so that we could talk, and he was saying that he wants to try again, he'd stop being abusive, put me first, etc He also made me feel bad about the fact his mum is very ill at the moment and he doesn't have anyone he feels he can talk to. He's had many chances in the past to change as well as us having marriage counselling for a year. I know that he will never change! He has proved that in the past.

The problem is that he just won't accept that it's over and that I won't give him another chance. I wanted to tell the children as I felt that our eldest (8) knew something is up already. We had agreed what we were going to say and now he said he can't do it. I don't know what to do as I know it will be more damaging for the kids if I tell him without him there.

I hate the fact that I'm having to be so blunt and cold with him and that he's hurting so much. I can't help caring about his feelings, despite the complete and utter hell he's put me through these last 12 years.

Don't really know what I'm posting for... Maybe for some support and a hand hold. I'm feeling so frustrated and low

This is an old thread. 2014

Hi all, my background is I’m a single father of two boys who I have full time, they have no contact with there mum or her family. I have a supportive family, rent my own home and work full time and receive no financial help as I support us through my wages, so all in all doing well, kids are healthy and happy and that’s what’s most important to me.

Anyway, around a year ago I was looking for a potential partner on POF, luckily I met a local girl who seemed to have similar interests, has her own business and has 4 kids. 3 to one father and one to another, good mum and not an issue for me as I get on well with kids. There has been a few red flags during the relationship starting at Xmas, she offered to get my son a phone on finance as my credit score is low. I didn’t ask her to do this, she offered. This was around 3 weeks prior to Xmas, so I agreed and of course was willing to pay the monthly cost. About a week before Xmas she called to say the phone had arrived and she would keep it there so it would be a surprise. Now 3 days before Xmas I get a text saying she now didn’t want to give the phone to my son as she didn’t want to be financially responsible for 2 years for a phone in case we split up, I assured her I would still pay, as I wouldn’t put someone out of pocket, but thought that it was a strange thing to say considering we where getting on well, she was the one who offered and we had plans for all her kids and there 2 partners and my kids to come for mine for Xmas dinner and spend the day together. So I had to look over it and sort it out myself via a family member but there just seemed to be a total disregard for my son, which annoyed me and shocked me tbh. Anyway it’s difficult to see each other coz of all are commitments with works and kids etc. So I recently invited her to a family 40th birthday camping trip, she refused and gave numerous excuses of which I found solutions to all except she was sick, however the trip wasn’t for another week. I’ve noticed a few times when she has been invited out with either me or her friends she declines. She’s a pretty much closed book but has said she’s got anxiety and body issues which I’ve tried to help her with by complementing her, telling her I value her as a person and the whole package, I know she has 4 kids so stretch marks etc are just what make her more beautiful. It seems to go on deaf ears. After she said she was sick and wouldn’t be able to go to the trip I said she was turning her to mum who has similar traits and was about to say you need to recognise this flaw and embrace the opportunity but she got aggressive and out the phone down. We had plans that evening for me to go to her home and look after her as she was unwell. Due to the fact she put the phone down in the manner she did and on previous times when she’s behaved like this she will shut down and not have contact. So I went for lunch with a friend and messaged her while I was out to see if she still wanted me to come to her home that evening, she declined the offer and told me to enjoy myself. So I stayed out and had a few more drinks and messaged her later on in the day saying we really need to iron out these issues because I’m a healthy relationship you have to work through stuff like this, she was cold in answer. So I’ve said this doesn’t seem to be working. So Sunday has arrived and she has decided to end the relationship which has happened a few times now, which is heartbreaking as I do value her and the relationship and I have also grew fond of the kids and vice versa. She has totally shut down to the point she told me to basically get some self respect because I was trying to find a solution instead of just ending it. She has had a traumatic childhood and does seem to just cut people off instead of finding solutions, I’ve repsected her decision and not contacted her since, just find it hard work that I’ve invested all this time and energy to the point last week she asked me to get involved in market research for her prospective new business, she tells me how much she loves me and appreciates me and ethe fact we all get on considering how many kids we have between us is really good, to just cut all contact

@Jblue85 you need to post this as a new thread under relationships rather than on the end of a zombie thread! You're probably not going to get a lot of responses this way.

ZOMBIE!