Am I just being an ass

[ladyliverlass]

Background is I am very hormonal as I had the cool in but I took it out myself yest and already I'm feeling better for it, my problem is I am a stay at home mum and work every know and then. My dh when he's home from work and uses the bathroom, today's after himself but leaves it dirty, ie he's bogging and leaves shaved hair and dirty rims around the bath, instead of giving it a quick wash n rinse wipes it with his towel to pick up the hair, and he feels he's cleaned it, me I personally don't! And he rolls his eyes at me if I say anything, last night he decided to shave his entire body, nose, chest, and back and he's very hairy, he picks up most but then I've gone in this morning and it's on my sons toothbrush and on the floor and the bath has a dirty rim around it, I feel I can't say anything over this because I don't go to work?! Is this right?! I feel there is a line drawn at bodily waste and hair personally and just because I don't work full time like he does that it's left for me to clean up proper?! It drives me nuts that every morning I've to clean pee from the seat n poop out the inside of the pan! Is it just me being twisted? And bring picky at him? I don't want to clean up bodily waste and hair I feel who's ever it is should have the resect for other to clean it proper after themselves?!

Having a partner who stays at home is great in terms of smoother running of the house - but it doesn't let the other residents off basic cleaning up after themselves, which is what you describe. There's a book called ''wifework' often mentioned on here which is all about this.

Strike a deal maybe - if he expects a meal on the table in the evening, you expect a properly wiped down bathroom when he's finished in there? Are there any other areas of dispute?

He could at least clear up his own shit and piss ffs. He's not a child is he.

You're a partner not a servant. Just because you stay at home doesn't mean it's your job to clean up his bodily excretions. Yuk.

My children know enough to clean up after themselves in the bathroom. How disgusting that he believes you should wipe up his...nose and back hair. Filthy pig! Send him out to purchase a new tooth brush for your child.

How does he treat you in other matters? He sounds very disrespectful to me.

Also, are you saying you removed your coil yourself? Is there a reason you did not go to your health care provider to have that done?

I hope you are ok, OP..xx

Imagine a friend came to stay for the weekend and left your house in the state you describe. Would you be in a rush to invite them back? Just because he goes out to work, it doesn't make you his skivvy. Tell the scruffy bugger to stop being so bone-idle and start clearing up after himself. If he rolls his eyes, pick them up and roll them back. Don't stand for it. Disgusting behaviour.

Hi thanks for replying,

He's never said its my job to clean up after him, i feel like it's left for me.. Or a job done to his own standards,, He sees taking his used bath towel and wiping it around the bath, that's it clean, he's tidied up after himself in his eyes, he's cleaned up after himself,, but in mine, it's a job done badly so I do it for him,. Maybe this is just his own standards?! I've asked myself if he stayed on his own, is that the way he'd clean it?!
I remember him doing this at his mothers when I moved in after moving up away from my home town and his younger brother also moaning at him for leaving the bathroom the same,, he didn't bother with the towel sweep then, do I guess I'm grateful he's trying?
so is it just how he is?! His mum is ‘im sorry' not the cleanest either so maybe it is just his way, I just don't want to live like that tho, tbh! What gets on my wick is if I moan about it, it's like I feel I have no right as I don't work, I have it easy than most folk! That I shouldn't complain, and just get on with it as he works full time and is tired when he comes home. He's not said this to me but this is how I feel it is?!
I think I will read that book you have mentioned, I think it may help!?

I took my coil out myself because I wanted to, as it's giving me awful symptoms of headaches, bloating and despite exercising weight gain, acne, mood swings, hip pain, to name a few, and I am constantly getting spotting so seemed as tho I could never get to see the doctor, took me two weeks to buck up the courage but I'd had enough. I'm looking forward to my period coming (never thought I'd say that)
There was not pain and it came out surprisingly very easy?! I wish I'd never had it done.

Grim! What does he think, you are his skivvy??? I expect anyone in my house using my toilet to clean it after themselves, whether they are an adult, a child or a visitor. If it were a partner I definitely would expect them to clean after themselves! I leave all the cleaning products in the bathroom there to be used by everyone. If he continues I would wait till I have a bad period and the shits and he has a day off work would leave a loooovely mess in there, and use an oily glittery messy bath bomb in the bath, plus body scrub, hair dye, cut toenails and shave everything neck down, tell him to clean it then ask him how he fecking liked it.

Doesnt matter if your a sahm or a working mum he should have a bit more respect and clean up after himself sure things would be different if tables are turned.

I'm considering a full time job, but feel guilty as the kids will do without me!
Mainly my dd will feel it, we are very close and I've mentioned after school help ages ago and she still brings it up to check to see if I've organised it when I'd asked her she shook her head and said she wanted to stay with me which made me feel selfish.

It doesn't matter if he does a 90 hour week he should clean his own scum from the bath etc.

That is vile.

I had said that because he worked I shouldn't be left to clean up his bodily bits up after him, he said he cleaned it but obviously missed some and will vela it up when he come in from work! He gets another bath when he came in, the hair which know looks like pubes is still on the floor and he's done a towel swipe over the bath again!

I think you actually need to show him how to do it. If he really can't get it, and personally I think they all do get it but they just ignore us and think their shortcuts are good enough to get away with it, then I think you actually need to teach him idiot guide. And you do half to show him then make him do the other half to show he's learnt it. Then leave it with a warning that now you know he knows how to do it you expect it to be done properly every time or you reserve the right to crucify him, his choice.

Tell him to grow up. Why should you clean up after him and his gross pubes.