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Original poster

Disappointed in my DD's Uncle's behaviour

22 replies

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 12:38

Not sure if I'm in the wrong here so wanted some other opinions.

My 8 mth old DD was christened on Sunday and we had a wonderful day however I'm a little upset that her Uncle (on her Dad's side) didn't even get her a card!! In recent months DP has had words with him regarding the christening as we didn't invite his new gf's kids. However regardless of this I feel that he should have given her a card, and probably a present too if I'm honest. At the end of the day it was a disagreement between the brothers and my DD shouldn't suffer because of it.

Am I wrong to think this or does anyone else agree with me. Everyone else that came to the christening and even those that couldn't make it gave her a card. I didn't invite people just so she received presents etc but I feel that her Uncle at least should have made the effort.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 23/08/2006 12:42

I really wouldn't give it any thought

Men are not the best at remembering cards at the best of times

I would just be grateful that he was there to share the day with you, especially as you excluded his girlfriends/children

Original poster

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 12:46

I tend to agree with you, I'm certainly not going to make a deal of it.

However, he went over the top with cards at Christmas for her. His gf was invited and came with him. It wasn't an exclusion of her children, we had made a decision before that we didn't want lots of children there as the venue for the reception was in a pub that was still open to the public.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 23/08/2006 12:49

He was probably hurt

Not inviting children to a christening is quite bizarre - whatever your reasons - and is bound to upset people

And so he didn't give much thought to getting a card or present

I would try to move on

Original poster

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 12:51

Thank you and I will "move on".

OP posts:

morningpaper · 23/08/2006 12:52

In the nicest possibly way

If it's any consolation, my grandmother sent me a book of six 2nd class stamps for my 30th birthday

THAT took some moving on from

catsmother · 23/08/2006 12:52

I expect it probably was tit for tat over the disgareement but at the end of the day, your baby DD certainly wouldn't have noticed !

Next time you have an opportunity to send him a card (or anyone connected to him) don't think twice and send it as you always would have done. No doubt that might make him have a twinge of guilt if he sees you being adult about it and, for me, taking the moral high ground would be more rewarding than making some sort of big deal over it.

Freckle · 23/08/2006 12:53

Wait until his girlfriend is his wife. Then it will be her responsibility to remember every single anniversary/occasion and you can have a bldy good moan when she forgets .

Freckle · 23/08/2006 12:54

LOL MP! Did you use any to send a thank you note??

Original poster

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 12:56

Hhm, I can see your point.

Think it's probably a family thing as DP didn't get me a card or anything for my b'day last year. It's my 30th in a few weeks so maybe I'll be blessed with some stamps

I know I'm being over sensitive but I just feel for DD and want everyone to be happy and get on but unfortunatley the brother in law's gf has caused a few probs. Nevermind eh.

OP posts:

Original poster

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 12:58

Thanks Freckle and catsmother and I certainly will take the moral high ground, already had to reign in DP to stop him having a go!!

OP posts:

Libra · 23/08/2006 13:08

My immediate reaction was: 'Are you supposed to bring a card to a Christening?' I have to admit that I have never taken a card or a gift to a Christening. I have sent cards and gifts when a baby was born, but I would have seen the Christening as a religious service not something like a birthday party. My point is: maybe he just didn't realise.

jasper · 23/08/2006 13:11

Sorry I don't think it is anything you should get upset over..

Some people (myself included) are not into cards at all and I rarely give them for any occasion.

I would go so far as to say i think they are overpriced commercially driven waste of trees.

Threee years ago In an effort to simplify my life I stopped sending Christmas cards . What a relief!

I promise you I am a kind and generous person!
If I see a card that I know would delight, say my sister I will buy it for her and send it - at any time of year , but I would not necessarily get one for her birthday.

I also thing christening gifts are pretty pointless too. THere is NOTHING an 8 month baby needs! I am a devoted auntie to my many nieces and nephews but don't buy christening gifts or cards.

All those silver engraved trinkets are just hopeless tat in my opinion and would just be stuck in the back of a drawer in our house.

Morningpaper I would be delighted at receiving a book of stamps.

Am I officially abnormal ?

I do hope this did not spoil your day.
Enjoy your babe!

geekgrrl · 23/08/2006 13:12

am with libra on this - it wouldn't have occured to me (good job i've never been invited to a christening, huh?!)

Anchovy · 23/08/2006 13:21

It honestly would not have crossed my mind to have brought or sent a card for a christening. I have no idea at all who did or did not for DS's christening. FWIW I think some people - and most men - do not have a "card gene". I would count myself among them!

anniemac · 23/08/2006 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LieselVonTrapp · 23/08/2006 13:32

I find it bizarre having a child-free christening but anyway I wouldnt dream of going to a christening or going anywhere without a present. I do find christening gifts pretty pointless though. For my nephews christening I adopted a whale for him, he still has it to this day, i.e he still gets cards and updates from the RSPCA.

Original poster

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 13:53

Well, perhaps I'm abnormal then as I always buy cards for this sort of occasion.

I don't buy the "perhaps he didn't realise" thought as we all went to a family christening in May and he sent a card and gift then. I personally beleive it was a deliberate snub which is pretty pathetic but I will rise above it as we all had a wonderful day and my DD was welcomed into the Church and has wonderful Godparents that will love and support her throughout life.

It wasn't a child free christening as there was four other babies there from my antenatal group plus the Godparent's children and my cousin's children. However it was a small do and numbers were limited for financial reasons.

I love the idea of adopting a whale and I do agree that some christening gifts are pretty pointless, having said that I appreciate anything that is given to either DD or myself and am not materialistic in any way. All of the gifts that she received were lovely and will be used and not put in the back of a drawer. As far as I'm concerned it truly is the thought that counts and DD's Uncle gave no thought and that's what hurts.

Apologise if that's a bit of a rant but the whole falling out between DP and his bro has upset me a lot and I can't see a real resolution at the moment.

OP posts:

CarolinaMoon · 23/08/2006 14:00

well, he prob felt a bit miffed that you'd snubbed his gf's kids. I'd be fecked off if I was in her position (unless "new gf" means he's been seeing her for a week).

Don't really get why they couldn't be invited if other children weren't tbh.

CarolinaMoon · 23/08/2006 14:01

if other children were

Original poster

CartoonGirlfriend · 23/08/2006 14:09

It is a bit more complicated and my DP made the final decision and obviously I can't speak on his behalf, best leave it there as I'm not prepared to discuss DP's family business but Thank You all for your thoughts.

CGx

OP posts:

CarolinaMoon · 23/08/2006 15:38

oh FGS it's an anonymous forum!

you can't post here and expect that no-one will challenge your POV.

oxocube · 23/08/2006 19:10

Guys don't do cards. He came to your daughter's christening. Isn't that enough? I certainly wouldn't expect my own brother never mind b.i.l. to bother with a card

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