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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another Issue - Money

1 reply

jamiemars · 19/04/2014 00:29

Here's another issue I need insight on.
My husband works for his father and so only gets paid sporadically, when he sees him. About once a month. He keeps time cards. But he doesn't get paid regularly.
So when he saw his father last Monday, I asked him if he had gotten paid since it had been three weeks. He simply answered no and then brushed me off.
Whenever this happens, he asks me, "If we NEED the money I can get it in an instant. Do we NEED the money?"
I say no, we don't NEED it but it would be nice to have a regular income to boost our savings and pay our taxes and other big bills.
He says he doesn't know what the difference is, whether he gets paid once in a blue moon or once a week. It's still the same amount. His father never NOT pays him.
I said why in the world would he see his father and not get paid? He doesn't see him all that often. He didn't answer me. He started stonewalling.
He hasn't called me in two days and is due home tonight. Two days of not calling at night is highly unusual. I don't know how it's going to go down when he returns home, if he does. I am worried about him giving me his paychecks. Will he withhold that, too?
He has been buying bitcoin every day from our joint account and it is adding up. I am tired of it. But I can't complain because I make purchases I shouldn't also (unnecessary purchases).
If my husband can write himself a check in an instant, why the hell doesn't he?? I know he likes to wait for his father to pay him, as that is proper. Whatever. I am so sick of this situation.
Seems my husband is just a controlling jerk. I can't stand him anymore.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/04/2014 06:07

Ideally, you should have an open book approach to finances. Not necessarily joint finances, especially where controlling or bullying behaviour is present, but you should both know what's coming into the household pot and what's going out. We all buy frivolous things from time to time but that doesn't change the basics. There's no place for evasive behaviour around money.

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