Lonely.....

[helen64]

Hello

My ex and I separated nearly four years ago, not divorced yet because of financial issues, and still in very regular contact as he is living with his parents and likes to spend time at my house with our two boys, 17 and 19.
I had one relationship for 2.5 years, it ended because he lived too far away, didn't drive and I felt I was missing out on time with my sons.
My most recent relationship, 1 year, finished last week. We got on well and I felt loved and safe, but we were too different with our outlook on life, our plans and our opinions on things that mattered
With both relationships I felt I couldn't fully commit because of the amount of time I spend with my ex, although I wanted to
I am meeting the first man in a few weeks, I contacted him in a week moment, but I know we'll have the same issues, always assuming he actually wanted to go out with me. He was amazing, so kind and caring. He treated me like a princess.
With my children growing up I just feel there will never be anyone to love me anymore, and I'll spend the rest of my life alone, because I can't face meeting anyone new
So I think about staying with my ex. We get on okay, there would be no complex financial settlements, and I know I could make him so happy by suggesting we give it another try.
I'm scared time is running out. At 46 my looks and body are fading fast, so maybe I should stick with my ex. I may not be ecstatically happy, and there would be no intimacy, but at least there would be two less lonely people in the world

Would really appreciate your help x

Now that your DCs are growing up there's no reason for your ex to hang around at your house. He can take them out or they can go an meet him somewhere else.

This is your golden time to get out, no need for babysitters or awkward introductions to little ones.

Get out and meet lots of new people, try not to invest too heavily if there is no future (your past 2 relationships seemed doomed to failure with distance and different goals causing issues) so make sure the foundations are right first, then see what happens.

You decided to divorce for a reason, after time that urgency fades (I'm still technically married after 2.5 years despite meeting new DP 1.5 years ago). It's easy to forget how crappy things were that you wanted to divorce. Don't settle for a mediocre marriage because it's easy.

You must examine the reason why you want to get back together with your ex. You said your looks and body are fading fast. That is no reason. Do you love him? He would make you less lonely, so there must be some affection there. Why wouldn't there be any intimacy??
You can't commit to anyone nor they to you because he is still in the picture.

You either need to get him out of the picture (or lessen his time at your house) or you need to commit to him.
Divorce is a big step. What was the reason for the divorce? If you don't address that, then you won't stay together long. Has he changed since you've divorced?