Anyone else married to a gambler?

[MrsPear]

Hi

What can I do?! Married 7 years, 2 small children and sahm mum and h is a gambler. I love him and he says he loves me but we are not a couple. He is rarely here. When he is he sleeps and showers then he is out again. He lost his job because of gambling. I am so sad and lonely. This is not what I thought marriage was to be. Any one else have or had experience?

My step father is a gambler. He's made my Mum's life a misery. He Gambled away everything they owned and the house has been remortgaged umpteen times. You think it can't get any worse, but he always finds a way to sink even lower. The day he stole the money out of the bank accounts my Mum holds for my children was the worst.

My Mum should be retired and taking it easy. Instead, she is working 12-14 hour days with two days of a fortnight, just to keep a roof over her head. She should have turfed him out years ago.

Has your partner stopped gambling, recognised he has a problem and in some kind of GA programme? I feel for you!

Oh he does not stop telling me that he is sick and wants to stop. But does he oh no. I gave him the helpline number and called once. Went to one meeting that was it. That is what is making me so angry. He won't stop.

We should own a home instead we rent, all the money gone to casinos and those machines. We should have a comfortable good life we have nothing. And he blames me. That's the worse of it.

I gave up work due to ds1 having a disability although now the appointments are not so frequent and he is starting school I think I have to find work. But then what? Leave? I feel guilty. But I feel so bloody low.

I am not one to say LTB but really this would not be something I could tolerate. Did you not realise until you had the children and stopped working? Everything you have will be pissed away by him and he will lie, lie, lie. You will be a nervous wreck and end up hating him. Some people can gamble a little bit, that they can afford, but this sounds like it is damaging and extreme addiction. He lost his job over it - how exactly?

It is building work - constructing basements so long and big job - and lots of mistakes kept happening. They happened because he was not there enough because he was gambling. The owner had enough so asked the main contractor to tell him and his workers to leave. I actually agreed with the owner on this - he was right.

I need to get grip. But I feel like I am nothing. Which sounds silly.

Oh and no I did not realise he even gambled until after ds1 and I made the decision to quit and concentrate on his problems. Up and until then it was single accounts from which we paid money into household account. The money was irregular but I accepted the excuses that that it was the building trade.

You feel like that because this is so overwhelming and sadly you are powerless. You need to think coolly about what you can do to survive, with or without him.

At the very least you need to get some advice about separating yourself from him financially so he cannot bring you and your children down with him.

I think that we already down. I need help but I don't who can

See a lawyer ASAP

The emotional fallout can wait, you need sound advice on practicalities. Is there any evidence like card statements or loan agreements that you could search for, you may have some nasty shocks to come.

I always urged my DM to contact gam anon. They are the fellowship organisation for those affected by compulsive gamblers. [www.gamanon.org.uk] . Unfortunately, she's been sucked in by his lies for 30 years. Each time he swears it's the last and goes to one or two GA meetings to get her off his case and then goes back to his sneaky habits.

I wouldn't wish her life on my worst enemy. You need to protect yourself and your DCs MrsPear.