need help or advice

[longside]

hi there im new to the forum and have come here because im having problems with a relationship and don't know what to do,

I found this site through google after doing a search on relationship help,

I was with this woman for 14 months but throughout the relationship I lied, I said I'd do things and never followed them up, I held 1 major lie for almost a year which I regret as it caused a lot of issues, she has a daughter who I have taken on as my own even though she isn't, I have struggled with expressing emotions favouring to keep them inside and not express them which isn't a normal thing to do, she pulls me on this all the time, she says im dumb and stupid that I don't notice things wrong with her (she has depression and ptsd due to incidents from her past) she said to me on a few occasions that she doesn't love me or doesn't want me back, even after we broke up she didn't want to see or hear from me so I didn't contact her or talk to her for a week, only to get into an argument at the end of the week sayin I didn't care if I would of I'd of done something, but I was respecting her wishes, yet this past 2 weeks she has given a bit of hope for me by letting me spend time with her and do things that 2 people in love do (if you know what I mean) but also in that mix telling me theres no chance of us then adding that I don't do anything, and even when I do try things, she says im only doing them because we argued about it, that's not the case ive planned things to do and just get "I was already gonna do that" or "you are only doing it because I said something",

im stuck and confused, I love this woman with all my heart and I love the little one just as much and I need help to show just how much she means to me and that I do care, I don't want to walk away from her but its getting to that point where im being made to feel worthless and unable to make some1 happy, I know I can do it but I need something different that will show her how much she means to me

sorry its so long but I had to shorten it down a lot otherwise you'd be reading it all night lol

You two have real communication problems. You need to stop playing mind games and actually talk to each other and listen.

What was the lie, by the way?

I'm not going to help you manipulate this poor woman into seeing you as partner material... sorry. She deserves better. Lying, letting someone down and making false promises is really shitty stuff. Was this 'major lie' something you were trying to impress her with? For her part she sounds lonely, needs company, and sees you and your lies and poor behaviour as better than nothing. Hence why you're being kept at a bit of a distance.

You don't love this woman with all your heart. Leave her alone, move on with your life, find some integrity and reflect on why it's important to treat people decently and with respect.

the lies were me saying I'd do something and not doing it, planning things and not following through with them as stated in my original post... the major lie is personal, it wasn't anything to make me look good or anything like that, it was embarrassing to explain it to her so I kept it a secret for a while, im not manipulating this woman into seeing me as partner material, she does love me but its my laziness and not doing things to help like a normal man should, I had ADD when I was young and I had 14 years of being addicted and a heavy user of cannabis, I gave it up 3 years ago, but the effects of laziness and not wanting to motivate myself combined with the ADD still trouble me to this day, I do love this woman with all my heart and I felt this the very 1st time I saw her and it pains me still that ive not been at my full potential, she hates the fact im 31 years old working a 22h a week job in the same place as my ex, I have sought help from numerous places, including the Samaritans, friends, family, even random ppl that come to my place of work to try get ideas, ive never loved some1 this much before and I want to do all I can to prove myself to her, its upto her if she sees how much im trying to ment whats broken, im not forcing her to do anything against her will and I have no intention of ever doing so, god gave us free will for a reason.

Lying - even when it's done with the best intentions - is manipulative. What you're feeling is clearly very intense but she doesn't appear to like or respect you very much and I think you should leave her alone. She has her own problems and is under no obligation to stick around waiting for you to solve yours. Be a better person for yourself, not because you're trying to prove yourself to someone else. Then consider being in a relationship

If she has told you she doesn't love you then respect her wishes and move on. You can't make her love you. If you loved her then you would let her go. Get out of her life and stop hanging on.

that's just it she does love me she has told me so recently, she tells me to go away and leave her alone and when I do she contacts me wanting my help with things and has a go at me if I don't contact her when she said she didn't want me to, can you see why im so confused with all this, 1 min she loves me the next she hates me then a min later she loves me, she tells me theres nothing I can do to fix it then on the next breathe she says she knows a few things I could do to fix it, im not expecting her to stick around but its clear that she wants me around otherwise why would she be asking me round and getting me to stay over at hers for just over a week, sleeping in the same bed, ect, I have gotten to the point of just walking away from it all but my heart is trying to get me to try fix whats done

You have to walk away from this because you now sound as bad as each other. You've lied, you're lazy and you've let her down which is dreadful behaviour. She's giving you mixed messages, picks you up one minute, drops you the next. Basically clicks her fingers and you come running. The whole thing is a game-playing disaster, especially for people with so many personal issues between them and especially as there's a child in the middle of it. I strongly recommend you give each other a wide berth. You cannot 'fix' this.

I didn't think I could but wanted so much to try, this has helped me a lot thank you

It sounds very unhealthy on both sides

If you are going to try again, I would suggest going to Relate.