Dating is haaard work...

[sunflowerfi]

When you have kids and are in your 30s...or is it just me?
I have been single for 2 years now after ending an emotionally abusive marriage and while I would like to meet someone else and let things develop I just find dating such an energy drain.
I work part time, study and am trying to set up a mobile beauty business as well as going to the gym and having an active social life. I have been on dating sites and been on dates with guys but as soon as things develop and they start to want to see me more and spend the night together I get put off.
The idea of staying over at a guys house on my one child free night off the week does not appeal as after so long of having a bed to myself I find it really hard to sleep. In the evenings after working/college and then sorting out the kids plus doing the house work I don't have the energy to then get myself dolled up and go out or play hostess.
Call me a slob but once I get in and know I don't have to go out I like to take my makeup off, stick my pjs on and watch mindless TV.
Like I say I don't want to be on the shelf forever but how do I find the time and energy to succeed in the dating game? x

Dunno but if you find out, please let me know!

I'm a LP in my 40's and I don't even have the energy for a social life let alone dating.

Hi sunflower, having read your OP, the picture I get is a bit mixed TBH....
on the one hand you value your independence and ability to have me-time, yet on the other you like the idea of dating and getting involved in some type of relationship.

But it seems you are more keen on the me-time and dont want to compromise by having to give some time to focus on a date.

I'd say "what you put in, is what you'll get out". If it will only ever be half-hearted, maybe ask yourself if you want to date, or is it just a thought and not really what you want.

You don't have to date or be in a relationship!

It sounds as though you're a little conflicted, like you're trying to fit in this thing that you feel you need to do, but don't really want to do.

If you don't want to date, then don't. If you don't want to spend your only child free night with a man, then don't.

If you don't want to get ready to go out in the evening, then don't.

If you want to put your jarmies on and watch shit telly, then do it.

If you are content and happy then there's nothing wrong with what you're doing. I wish I could feel a bit more like that, tbh. I get terribly restless when the children have gone to bed.

You won't be on the shelf forever, and when studying is over, and setting up your business is over and your child/ren is/are a little older... there will be plenty of time for dating then.

Hi
I think maybe I haven't met the right person because I think if I did I would start to put them before things like going to them gym and meeting up with friends or even a night in front of the TV.
I just panic that I will be left on the shelf forever and won't meet anyone hence joining dating sites but then my heart isn't fully in dating. I think I need to focus on other areas of my life and hopefully mr right will come along when I least expect x