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Original poster

Inconsiderate twat

29 replies

mamamiaow · 17/04/2014 21:23

Absolutely fuming. I went out for a massage straight after work tonight. It ended at 7.15 and I'd told my husband I'd be home by 8 at the latest. He was going on a night out but had to come home to collect our daughter because of my appointment (which was arranged about 4 weeks ago. His night out was arranged yesterday).

I'd already been asked twice yesterday what time I'd be home. "7.45, 8 ish at the latest".

I left the centre feeling brilliant and it just so happened a bus arrived straight away. As I was stepping off the bus at our home (7.29) I got a text asking "What's your eta?"

I couldn't believe it.

His explanation was that he wasn't hassling me to get home, he just wanted to know what time I'd be back so he could arrange a taxi because he'd checked the bus timetables and he'd have to wait till 8.05 for a bus. How awful! He couldn't bear arriving at the pub at 8.30? He couldn't wait till I got home to ring a taxi? (which normally takes 2-3 mins to arrive).

I am incredulous. And just a bit fucking angry. Just had to get that off my chest.

OP posts:

maddy68 · 17/04/2014 21:26

Fail to see what he did wrong, you said 7.45-8 he text you to sk your eta, you could have been running late.

Casmama · 17/04/2014 21:29

It's Thursday before a bank holiday weekend, taxis may well be busier than usual.

You are totally overreacting and if that is the reaction after a lovely massage then I hate to see how you would have reacted if you were already tense.

Giraffeski · 17/04/2014 21:30

I often text something similar to DP, it's not hassling, just seeing if he is on schedule really.
Luckily he isn't easily offended. He is usually late though.

dragonsandfairies · 17/04/2014 21:33

i don't see what he did wrong either...he only asked what time you'd be home so he could sort his arrangements out?

RhondaJean · 17/04/2014 21:41

I'd have felt hassled by that op.

DirtySkirtings · 17/04/2014 21:48

I don't understand what he did wrong, either.

Surely it's normal for partners to communicate like this? In fact I would probably have texted him as I was getting on the bus to let him know I was still on track to be home on time.

Original poster

mamamiaow · 17/04/2014 21:50

Thanks RJ. I think it's hassling. I said I'd be back by 7.45/8. I could see the point if it had been 8 and I hadn't returned. There's a bus stop outside our door (with a bus due at 8.05).What difference would it have made if I was delayed? - he'd still have had to await my return.

Maybe I'll text him at 11 and ask his eta?!

OP posts:

anyoldnamewilldo · 17/04/2014 21:53

I've asked my dp what his eta is a couple of times and vice versa. Neither of us think anything of it, and we just reply. I don't see the problem

RollerCola · 17/04/2014 21:55

I think you need to calm down. If you're 'absolutely fuming' about this I dread to think what something actually bad would do to you.

It's not a big thing. Really. He was just checking, don't give him a hard time it's really not worth getting so stressed about.

RhondaJean · 17/04/2014 21:55

Why would I have felt hassled?

Because I had arranged to do something for me, but said I would be back in time for him to go out, and that wasn't good enough.

I would have felt my long arrangd appointment had obviously become an inconvenience to him. I would have textd him if I was running late.

Tbh I would actually suspect he had arranged to meet his friends earlier than I had said I would be home and he was trying to hurry me, with the asking several times when I would be home and then the texting. And no I don't think it's normal, not given the amount of women on here who get told to stop being so controlling about texting their husbands who already were late home.

I am reasonably sure my DH wouldn't do this but I would have no hesitation telling him how I felt if he did.

grobagsforever · 17/04/2014 21:58

Sounds like he was impatient for his bank holiday beer, can't blame the man. You're totally over reacting. Chill out!

NurseyWursey · 17/04/2014 22:04

You called him an 'inconsiderate twat' for this?

crispyporkbelly · 17/04/2014 22:06

What a fucking bastard

dragonsandfairies · 17/04/2014 22:27

i bet he daren't ask you much for fear of being called an inconsiderate twat.

I get the feeling had it been husband saying his wife was an insoderate twat for daring to ask it would have been a case of LTB

Deftones · 17/04/2014 22:28

Bet he's glad he's off out...you sound a little wound up. Are we missing something? Does this happen often? If not, calm the fuck down, he was probably eager to get on it bank holiday style!

Betrayedbutsurvived · 17/04/2014 22:29

Umm, really! Ok, er, wow. Have you read some of the thread on here, the ones from people who genuinely have inconsiderate twats for partners? You should get your money back for the massage.

Thislife · 17/04/2014 22:34

He only asked a quick question which was quite reasonable!

hoppingmad · 17/04/2014 22:39

I wouldn't go as far as inconsiderate twat but I do think it would have felt like being hassled.
I personally hate massages but I know most people find them relaxing - sort of defeats the purpose if you feel like he's pacing the floor for you to get home

CurtWild · 17/04/2014 22:41

You sound like my stbxh. All wound up and pissed off over nothing. Mountain out of a molehill springs to mind. Sorry, he really didn't do anything wrong.

SolidGoldBrass · 17/04/2014 22:46

Do you get much time to yourself, OP? If you and your H get equal amounts of leisure time then you might be over-reacting a bit, but if having a massage is the only treat you have had in weeks while H goes out every other night then it's understandable you're annoyed.
Some men refuse to accept that their female partners can have any relaxation or child-free, chore-free time at all and therefore nag and fuss and 'forget' that they need to look after the DC, making it so much hassle for the woman to have any leisure time that she gives up and resigns herself to staying at home all the time.

Hissy · 18/04/2014 10:01

I get it. I know why you are pissed off, and yanbu to be so imo.

You told him twice that you'd be home by 8, he is making a big song and dance because he somehow wants to convey his irritation at having to do something for someone else as opposed to himself. By the sounds of it love, i'm betting you don't get to do much for yourself do you?

Change that right now! Get a class booked, and make sure HE learns that he's the other parent in the family and has to step up and do his fair share.

I'd have felt hassled by that text too.

petalsandstars · 18/04/2014 16:51

I'd feel hassled by that too. Mine is similar - but it doesn't work the other way of course.

Nealsey · 31/05/2014 07:44

Wow,

God forbid he should be able to order a taxi!

The massage was a waste of time I reckon, chill out for god sake.

LividofLondon · 31/05/2014 16:09

Is there a back story, mamamiaow?

NMFP · 31/05/2014 16:13

If the massage was for stress I'd be annoyed.

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