Not as good a friendship as I thought??

[eveninginviteonly]

I have been friends with L for near on 20 years. For much of the last ten years I have lived the other end of the country but have made the effort to visit L when I have been back home visiting family. In all the time I lived down South we regularly spoke on the phone.
Eighteen months ago I moved back closer to home albeit 50 miles away and still we have met up regularly and speak frequently on the phone.
Just after I moved back L told me that she and her P had made a date for the wedding. She told me all the details and every time we spoke about it she checked that I would be coming.
The wedding is in a couple of months time and I have received an invitation but to the evening do only. I do not use fb but have been told that there is lots on there about her forthcoming hen do, which I have also not been invited to.
I am supposed to meet L next week for lunch but I am seriously thinking of cancelling. I am quite hurt and upset by it all, but I am also furious that the invitation to the evening reception asks for money to be donated instead of presents.
How would you handle this?

If it was me, I'd go to the lunch next week and bring the subject up. I'd try and be subtle about it, but I'd still want to hear an explanation. If it was a lesser friendship I'd leave it, but this is someone you made a bridesmaid at your own wedding - I kind of think that she owes you an explanation TBH.

Has she mentioned the hen do to you at all?

Personally I would decline the invite.. if it was local and wasn't going to cost much to go then I would go along for a night out but having to fork out feeling a tad hurt in the pit of my gut - not a chance! After a few beers would your bloke be able to just not say anything, especially if he knows you're feeling a bit stung?

It doesn't have to affect your friendship.. it's not as if you have to RSVP for a sit down meal or anything.. you're just a couple of people not paying for booze or a gift. Just make an excuse and wish her well on the day.

Met L for lunch. I am quite upset so I am going to be brief.
I didn't bring up the subject of the wedding invitation or hen night until L did.
Not invited to hen do as everybody else going is invited to all of the days celebrations. L thought it may be awkward.
L said she really wanted me to attend the church ceremony and wedding breakfast etc but her DP only wants people there that he gets along with too. She thought that it would be better to invite me and DH to evening reception, than just invite me to all of the celebrations.
I am not sure why her DP does not like my DH. He has been quite rude and ignorant towards him from the first time they met. DH has never said anything and just ignored it for my sake. However L's DP does make her happy so I have never commented on his twattish behaviour. I also managed to refrain commenting on it today.
DH and I had not made a decision regarding attending the evening do, but I told L we would not be attending. I said that neither I or DH would be comfortable and I hoped that she could understand that.
I told her that I wish them a fabulous day etc and we should catch up after the wedding.
I think in reality it will be hard to keep a friendship going after this.

Sorry to hear that it hasn't gone well evening - I think you were wise to decline.

Well done-you can't ignore a snub of your dh.
However, if her dh to be is such a twat she may still need you as a friend in the future?

Sorry to hear this outcome but glad you were able to have an honest, even though upsetting, conversation.
Sometimes knowing where you stand and therefore can move on in life is better then always wondering about a friendship.

That is harsh. She could still have invited you to the hen.

Thanks all. I am going to forget about it and move on. I did so want to tell her what a dick she is marrying but held it in. In my absolute meanest/angriest/upset moment I did hope it would piss it down on their wedding day. I know it's mean and childish but I am only human!!

This will bite her on the bum.

Her dh sounds like a prize tool.

I'm sorry. It's really hurtful.

Thanks winky.

Agree with Winky. If he's behaving like this now, I can't imagine he'll be treating her well a bit further down the line. You're right to move on though I understand it's very hurtful when something like this happens.

My word - so her H2B has effectively vetoed the attendance, at the wedding, of one of his W2B's oldest and closest friends? And she's just letting him do it? Wrong at so many levels - your heart must be heavy, but I don't suppose you'll miss his rudeness to your DH. I feel you chose the better path.