Missing the oomph – is it time to move on?

[Achica123]

I guess I need empathy, thoughts and advice – please help!

I have been with this guy for a couple of months. We met online and started to get to know each other in what I initially described as a “slow but sure” manner. Intellectually and physically, we are compatible, but the oomph is missing for me. He is more into the silent and reserved side. If I don’t start a conversation, he’d rather stay silent. He texts me only when there is something he wants us to do together and verbal intimacy is rare.

Yesterday, I went out the movies with him and realised towards the end of the film how frustrated I was with his silent and detached attitude. I suggested that we go for a day trip during the holiday, but he declined because he wants to stay in bed, be lazy and go for dinner with his friends!! When we parted after the movie, I gave him a mini ultimatum (if you don’t call, I won’t). Walking home, however, a part of me kept thinking that I should move on. What’s the point of being in such situation?

You've answered your own question.

Just call him and say you're not feeling it and all the best etc.

I am thinmking that if he doesn't get in touch, I won't ... that would be the end of it

Yep a radio silence is fine too, given the distinct lack of chemistry going on here. All sounds very dull - time to move on

If it's causing you angst now, it will only get worse the more committed you become, so cut your losses now.

Best of luck for the next time.

It sounds as if you are not that compatible really, let it fizzle out...

What’s the point of being in such situation?

Just repeating what you said!

I'm struggling to understand why you say you're compatible.

He sounds compatible with a plank of wood tbh.

Arrange to see him and end it.

Better to end it than to hang on waiting for the declaration of undying love next txt.

You can see what his character is like after only a few months- it's incompatible with yours. Long term, you will just feel more and more frustrated. Think how much happier you would be with someone who was chatty, warm, enthusiastic and able to make interesting conversation! He doesn't even sound like he's trying!

We had a good conversations. He never asked me questions to get to know me better, which I thought was a bit odd but gave him the benefit of doubt.
I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a couple of things, and was trying not to be demanding; but is it demanding to ask the guy to show a little more excitement on what is supposed to be a new relationship (that's if it is one!!!)

When I was online dating, an ability to chat and to talk more deeply was one of a very few criteria I had. It's vital in my opinion.

Is there a reason you want to stay with him? Because he won't change, people generally don't.

I want to stay with someone and we happened to have gone put on a few dates ! But wanting to be in a relationship is no longer good enough reason to stay with a king of ice kind of guy !

Bin and move on. He's not that bothered about having a relationship with you: don't be so desperate not to be single that you will attach yourself to anything with a pulse and then spend your time flapping and agonising over everything that's said and done and/or plucking at the bloke's sleeve demanding attention all the time.

If you're with the wrong person it will be harder to find the right person, I think.

I agree - I want to be with someone but someone who is excited to be with me. So far, he showed little excitement as far as I am concerned...

achica123 is this the same fella you was asking if you should sleep with last week?

Yup I guess so