How to leave...

[dorasee]

I am married. I just want to say in as polite a way as possible, this query isn't entitled 'How to convince me to stay'. I need to know the steps I need to take to leave a marriage where I am a SAHM with 3 kids and no income of my own. I am married to a GP but he is the type of guy who will certainly not make sure the kids and I move into a settled accommodation. It will be like, "You're out on your ear. Good luck. Send a postcard." Do I call the council re: temporary accommodation? I am not in a domestic violence situation. I am simply in a marriage which is over. I can walk out the front door. I just don't know where to walk to.

I don't think you'll find too many people here who'd try to convince you to stay if you've made up your mind :) I'd strongly recommend you get as much professional advice and support as possible, anticipating as you are doing that he's not going to be cooperative. So that means talking to friends and family for moral and practical support and consulting a solicitor to find out your rights and responsibilities. People like CAB can help regarding any benefits you may be entitled to in order to supplement your income. The website www.turn2us.org.uk has a good benefits checker.

One piece of fairly standard advice is 'don't leave the family home'. So stay put for now, work out your options and very best of luck

Well done OP for making the decision, its a difficult thing to admit your marriage is over. It also sounds as if you have already emotionally detached from him which will make the emotional side easier to deal with as well.

You need:

A bank account of your own
To phone the Tax Credits line & cancel your joint claim (if applicable). Then make a new claim as a single parent.

Before you think about telling him, make an appointment with the CAB to discuss whether you should stay in your house & he is the one to leave & also the benefits you can claim as a single parent. They are fab & they are free & will not judge you. Once you have options available to you then feel free to tell him you want to split.

Once you have had that CAB appt & the practical aspects are straight & you know how to proceed then if you need a solicitor to instigate your divorce its a good time to get one. Take advantage of the free 30 minute consultation many of them offer & pick the one you like the most.

Contact the CSA to make arrangements for child maintenance. If you wish to make a private arrangement with him (as I did unluckily) then remember that the CSA are there if you need them if he stops paying.

If your exH is going to get nasty then its usually around this time, when he realises you are serious. Ignore all threats of taking the children away/leaving you with nothing etc etc. It can be hard to guard yourself against such spite & believe me he might say all sorts of horrible things, just ignore them all. You are protected by law & he is scared.