Doubts

[Isfortyfivetooold]

I've finally finished with the man I was seeing for the last 11 months, it started of ok with promises for the future but its descended into me being his 'booty call'. I've seen the writing on the wall since Christmas really but we could never have a chat about it as he was always too busy or too stressed or whatever ...

But I sent an email I composed overnight saying I was sick of the empty promises and calling it off - perhaps not that pleasantly - and that if he wasn't careful he would get to the other side of a significant birthday and have no one that cared about him in his life as he would have driven them all away, his parents are dead, his sister is 5 years older than him and not in good health, he has two nieces but he can't stand one of them, no children but apparently plenty of friends - not that I saw any of them!

So I know its right and I deserve better so why am I thinking I was a bit harsh??

Not harsh necessarily, but dumping by email is a bit strange (imo), especially after 11 months. But maybe that's just me.

If he has a poorly sister and his parents are dead, maybe he's having a bad time of it and couldn't give your relationship as much care and attention as it deserved. I don't know.

But anyway, sounds like you weren't happy so hope you move on and meet someone suitable .

Probably because you did it by email and it was therefore completely one-sided.

Unlike a lot of people, I think it's perfectly acceptable to end a relationship via email or telephone under certain circumstances (e.g. abuse or where you've been treated very badly and it's a case of emotional self-preservation).

However, in those sorts of circumstances there is no point in doing anything other than saying "it's over".

If you want to air your grievances or discuss what went wrong, you really do need to do it face to face.

Hope you feel better soon.

Yep agree with above x

If it was harsh it was because it was quite detailed. 'It's over' is fine but 'it's over because you're a miserable bastard and I hope you die a lonely old man' (I paraphrase) is probably a little too on the nose. :) Nevertheless, I'm sure he'll get over it. Good luck

Its possibly a little harsh but its done now so forget about it & move on. Don't send another one apologising for being harsh or anything like that :)

I would imagine an email like that is borne out of anger & there will be reasons why you were angry.

Honestly just let it go, don't get twisted up in it. Its quite strange though to finish a relationship by email.....

It's harsh because you are really mad at him. And at yourself a bit, for letting it go on too long.

It was a good call to end it, though.

Hope you meet someone more in 'keeper' mode next time.

You are all probably right in that it was one sided but I haven't seen him for a month - he probably gave me an STI, he never phoned and I was lucky if I got a 'Good morning' or 'Goodnight' text, we never went out anywhere and he would come round about 9 - 10 pm because he didn't want to drive home - lived about 40 minutes away but worked near me, didn't get me a card or present for Christmas - he had bought it though it was just at home! - and for my birthday a couple of weeks ago a 'Happy Birthday' text and no other communication for the rest of the weekend - and that text was probably because I sent him one at after midnight saying it was my birthday.

I wasn't happy but he never gave me a chance to say anything to try and change things or end it nicely as he wasn't around to let me. Oh I did ask him if he wanted to talk about it and he came back with a phrase involving us having sex. But I still feel guilty.

Sorry for the enormous drip feed!!!

He sounds very very horrible, self-absorbed and all round nasty. I would have done the same in your circumstances. Maybe it is kinder to be straight because he has a chance to change, now.

Hope you meet a much nicer man very soon!

Bleurgh - yeah, he sounds like an arse. And (sorry) sounds like he was probably waiting for you to dump him. what a pathetic man.

Onwards and upwards for you I think, missus!