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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is this acceptable?

8 replies

mummyOF4darlings · 15/04/2014 22:58

Basically my boyfriend and I arent getting any chance to spend any time alone together at the moment it feels like we are having some sort of sordid affair what with my 4 kids, his 2 kids and our jobs.
I suggested without thinking that we both book time off work one weekend and we go stay in my mums caravan a couple of nights and he said oh that sounds great should deffinately do it then at the same time we both said what about the boys, so basically that was that and conversation over.

He has his boys most weekends sometimes only one night if hes got work the next day as he has to be up very early, which is a bit hard because my kids are with their dads weekends. Hes txt me anyway just now and said he thinks we should go for a weekend away and that his mum has agreed to have the boys. Thing is though as much as i want to go away with him i feel really selfish my ex is always dumping dd on his mum so he can do whatever with his gf and i hate the thought of upsetting his sons dont want them thinking daddy thinks more of his gf than them.

On the other hand if its just a one off then what harm would it do just once, he is a very doting dad like i said has them 1 or 2 nights every week and takes them for tea or to cinema every weds so its not like their neglected.

He also said we wouldnt be able to make it public knowledge if we go because his ex will kick up a fuss if she knows theyve been left with his mum for a full weekend, so i said well what if you just say you cant have them that weekend and he said well no because she'll kick up a bigger fuss.

So really we are stuck but the thought of having a full weekend away just anywhere together with no responsibilities sounds bliss Confused

OP posts:
whitedoorbell · 16/04/2014 07:21

if I was you, I would post this on the step parenting board. .. you will get lots of support over there.
relationships with children from both partners from a previous relationship are tough for everyone involved. its a full time job balancing your needs and desires with your new partner while trying to consider all the kids and get some time alone.
I hope you manage to sort out some precious time together x

mummyOF4darlings · 16/04/2014 08:01

Thank you I hadn't thought of going on the step parents section, will post on there when I get chance and have a read through see if anyone else has any similar issues x

OP posts:
whitedoorbell · 16/04/2014 08:57

there are loads of people in similar position. I was there myself so I know what it's like!

VelmaD · 16/04/2014 09:14

Its so difficult. I am lucky in that my boyfriend and I have different arrangements - he has fri-sun every other weekend and mine go every Saturday night. It means every other weekend we get a night together. I admit if he had his son every time I didnt have my children I dont think we would still be together, but that's just me.

How long have you been together? Could you go for a night away instead of a whole weekend first, so he still has his kids one night?

RedFocus · 16/04/2014 09:26

If he has the kids most weekends and it's their gps that would be looking after them then I really don't see the problem. You are not fobbing them off you are sending them to their gps who love them and want to see them.
My dh and I have been away for the weekend once already this year, away again end of May and again in autumn. My mum looks after the dc in our house so they are not missing out on treasured Xbox time Wink
My youngest has SN so we desperately need respite and we are very lucky having my mum to help. It's good for everyone in the long run.

Goldmandra · 16/04/2014 09:30

If he wants the boys' mum to feel better about it he could give her the choice of dates and whether she has them or they go to his mum's. She will then be able to kick up less of a fuss and any she does make can be ignored with a clear conscience.

weeza13 · 16/04/2014 09:37

How about booking a room for one night during the week, I did this with late rooms as you can get some really cheap deals, found a hotel with a pool and we met there after work, had lovely romantic evening nice cooked brekkie and went to work the next day but felt as if we had been away for longer. Only cost £36 for an night. Also means your parents may be able to help or arrange for friends parents to collect your children on way to school for you. Hope you manage it. You shoulnd give a toss what his ex thinks because she is an ex!

mummyOF4darlings · 16/04/2014 12:29

Goldmandra Thats a good idea may suggest that to him im sure shes not totally unreasonable Hmm Will txt him now!

weeza13 Thats sounds lovely actually im sure he could book a day off work so hes not having to get up at 4am as usual, just my children the problem but i guess i could ask therir dads if theyd be happy with a day swap

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