is this reasonable?

[witzendagain]

My 3 year old spat at dad this morning (I didn't see). D's came to me on the bathroom with fuming dad following, he picked him up and said loudly about being respectful him. When put down D's said he hurt where picked up.

Several more minutes of complaining from h about me not backing him up and that I don't discipline and my persuasion doesn't work.

I had to leave for work early and had arranged for d to take D's to nursery. He said he wouldn't and at one point opened or pushed the child gate so hard it came off. Again he said loudly to D's about trying to daddy when asked a question.

I felt upset and D's was too. This isn't right is it?

I'm sorry I don't really understand what happened.

Who is D? And who is d?

So, your 3 yr old spat his/her dad this morning. You felt he handled them too roughly? You then asked him to take them to nursery. He refused & pulled the stairgate off?

"Again he said loudly to D's about trying to daddy when asked a question." Sorry no idea what this.

Being violent enough to pull a stairgate off isn't a great sign though.

Sorry but I don't understand your post.

Did you tell your 3 year old off for spitting at his Dad?

I'm guessing D's is DS. But I still don't quite understand. Can you explain again with more detail? It sounds like he is violent. Is that what you're saying?

It would be unlikely to happen anyway, and my DC are older, but if my DP picked up my 3-year-old DS and DS said he hurt afterwards, I'd be so surprised I would probably assume that it was either accidental or DS was protesting about being told off rather than genuinely being hurt (saying it hurt rather than crying or yelping would be unusual for a three-year-old IMO).

The fact that you think your DS might be telling the truth is very, very telling. This is clearly not the first time you've felt your DP has been a bit heavy handed. Whether that's a difference in parenting style or whether your DP is abusive is impossible for us to tell based on a single online post, but the wrenching off of the stair-gate is not a good sign.

Are there other things going on you are bothered by either in your DP's treatment of your DS or in his relationship with you?

If I am understanding this right, there are possibly two separate issues here.

One is your DS complaining that his dad hurt him when he picked him up. Unless I had serious concerns about my partner, I would assume either the your DS was upset about being picked up, and has interpreted that as being hurt, or that he had been picked up quite roughly - though I can admit myself that if I picked up my toddler to take them to my partner, or to the naughty step, after being spat at it might be a slightly rougher pick up than usual. Not in any way meaning to deliberately hurt them, but sometimes you are so shocked by what they have done you might have picked them up slightly wrong. None of us can answer that one without knowing whether you believe your partner might be more likely to actually hurt or manhandle your son.

The second issue is that your partner was so violent he broke the stairgate, is that right?