Confused, no sex

[stopfuckingspraying]

I posted on here a week or so about my DP feeling unattractive and not being intimate etc. We joined a weight watchers class and have both lost weight on our first week (she lost a huge 6lbs!)

Anyway, it's been about 6 weeks since we had sex now.

Last night I touched her boob and she told me to stop, laughed and said it was tickling her..

She previously made a comment about being so long since she had sex she has forgotten what it feels like.

This confuses me.

By me being understanding and not pressurising her for sex, is she getting the impression that I don't want it.

I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want to turn it into a "thing" and make things worse.

Any suggestions? Is she going off me?

She is always talking about us moving in together and pottering round my flat and doing things for me so I don't think she has lost interest.

We have no DC and have been dating for 12 months

Mention it...or it becomes a bigger issue.

My suggestion is that you are getting far too many mixed messages for what is a relatively new relationship and I think you're being somewhat manipulated in the process. After just 12 months you shouldn't have to be worrying about not pressuring someone for sex.... that's a situation people end up in after many years of marriage when things are going stale.

If you'll pardon the observation you sound a little too desperate to keep her interest. Too caught up looking for hidden meanings, far too anxious to please and I think you're in danger of being played.

You're going to have to talk about it or it definitely will become a 'thing'. The sort of thing otherwise known as the elephant in the room where it dominates your relationship but is never up for discussion.

6 weeks without sex? Not that big a deal in many relationships TBH. In a non-cohabiting relationship a mere 12 months old and with no DC, I wouldn't take it as a good sign if you've previously been at it like rabbits (if sex has never been that big a feature, it's different). At that stage you should still be crazy about each other. Things shouldn't really be this strained this short a time into it.

I'd agree that sometimes no moves towards initiating sex can be interpreted as no desire to have it, especially by those who are maybe less sexually confident, but that's why you need to talk to her. If you say nothing and do nothing, you run the risk of her thinking you're uninterested or establishing a norm where sex isn't a feature in your relationship. If you say nothing but keep trying to initiate it, you run the risk of pressurising her and being viewed as a sex pest.

But it's perfectly ok and actually the grown up thing to do to initiate a chat about this. It doesn't have to be a heavy one. Just say you want to help and you're feeling a bit insecure, so you'd like to know whether she still finds you attractive, whether she'd like you to leave her alone or initiate things a bit more, just to what extent her body image issues are cause problems with her self esteem, and how this is making her feel sexually. Talking about it may actually help her and will certainly help you get a more accurate handle on what's going on.

So, Cogito what do you suggest?

Has the sex been crap from the offset?

No the sex has been great up until the point she saw a photo of herself "looking fat"

I suggest you be a little less anxious to please, a little less insecure and a little more objective. There are two of you in the relationship

You must talk!! Talking is more intimate than sex. Tell her how proud you are of her. Tell her you can't wait to have sex but respect her so much that you will wait until she is ready. Give hugs and kisses without expecting it to lead to nookie. Hold her hand. You sound a caring partner

I am very anxious, not so much insecure.

This is something that annoys me.

Guess I should just relax