Guidance needed!

[Surroundedbydiggers]

Ok, am really hoping that someone here can help me or at least give me a kick up the bum to help myself!

Background - married for 7 years, with DS3, who was conceived by IVF after 4 years of fertility treatment. Since DS was born I have suffered with PND, and for a time we had serious money issues, now hopefully resolved.

DH is a fantastic father and is, for the most part, a very supportive husband. When we were struggling for money I basically kept us afloat and if I'm honest resentment did build up. I will hold my hands up and say that I generally prefer to seethe inwardly rather than get such things out in the open which obviously doesn't help.

Anyway, and now to the crux of the matter. Since DS was born I have had little or no sex drive. I feel as if a switch has been thrown inside me and that part of me has been turned off. Part of me, I think, feels as if it is somehow "wrong" for me to want / have sex now that I am a mum. I honestly feel that if I never had sex again it wouldn't be an issue. DH on the other hand still very much wants that part of our relationship to be active. When we first got together we were all over each other and I think he still expects us to be like that now.

I do try my best but it is obvious that my heart isn't in it and we have now reached the point where it is causing arguments all the time. I do honestly feel for DH as he must feel unwanted. When I try to explain that it is my issue and nothing to do with how attractive he is he doesn't believe me. I do still love him and in no way want to separate from him but I don't know how much more we can take.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to wake that side of myself up? I'm not sure that having a nice massage or buying some sexy undies will do it. I was wondering if anyone in a similar situation has tried therapy and, if so, did it work?

Sorry for how long this is, and if you've read to the end thank you.

I think it's too easy to blame low libido in isolation and blame yourself by implication. Good sex IME is a mental state as well as a physical one. If you've had years of IVF followed by depression followed by money issues which have caused resentment between you.... all that is going to get in the way of relaxing mentally. No idea why you think mums shouldn't have sex but presumably some kind of repressive ideas have been passed onto you in your upbringing? Religion play a part?

There is no point buying sexy undies etc because that just builds up the pressure of expectation. I think you probably need to put sex to one side and get to know, love and respect each other again as people. Think about what first brought you together, what attracted you to each other and try to recreate those conditions and feelings.

Thanks for your response Cogito, makes me feel better just to know someone is out there.

I have no idea where those thoughts come from either as I didn't have a particularly religious upbringing...I think maybe because of what we went through to get DS I feel I have to be the "perfect" mother and basically feel guilty whenever I do anything that isn't centered around him. Having typed that I realise that it doesn't sound very healthy!

I think you've hit the nail on the head with regard to trying to remember why we wanted to be with each other in the first place...that all seems to have been clouded by all the other pressures and just everyday life.

Thanks again.