I want to leave

[PenguinsAreCute]

tonight I found out my dp tried to book an escort. I confronted him and he said he was joking then had a go at me for snooping. I can't sleep and am currently lying in bed with a sulking dp who has his back to me.
we don't have children but he does owe me a fair amount of money. I'm not at all happy we haven't had sex for 2 months, I feel unattractive and unloved. I'm 31 and really don't want to start all over again but I can't go on like this. Please help

You are only 31, you and DP haven't had sex for 2 months? He's tried to book an escort, you don't have DCs with him, and you are still pondering whether to leave? Get out now. You don't even have DCs with this man. You say you feel unattractive and unloved. You're with a man that's making you feel that way. Leave him and then look into ways of getting your money back, perhaps via legal redress.

There's no point blighting your life when you don't need to. Loving a man more than you love yourself is no way to be. There are decent men out there and you may meet one sometime in the future when you are ready. You won't meet anybody if you choose to stay with a loser who doesn't respect you though. I do hope he is using condoms...safe sex sounds to be a definite necessity here, he certainly isn't planning to be faithful is he?

it's not so much im pondering as im worried if I just up and leave I won't get my money back and its a rather large amount. But I don't want to stay either, I just feel totally fucked over

You will get more money. You won't get more time. How much is a lot? Under what circumstances did he come to have it? Worth seeking legal advice?

about 10k I helped him out with some financial issues a while back. Arrggh its all a mess.

Cut your losses & consider it a lesson well learned. Leave and pursue the money issue through the courts.

Well yes that is a lot of money. Unless he earns mega dollars (I assume not as you had to bail him out) then it will take years to get that money back, though. And that's assuming he'll give it you. Which, he quite possibly won't.

Unless you both signed a legal agreement about the loan and repayment terms then you wont see the money anyway.

Best to cut your losses now. I hate to say this as this bastard owes you, but the chances of you seeing a penny are minimal, are the best years of your life worth that?

What a fucking nasty entitled cocklodging twat. Evidently he thinks that the distant prospect of getting some of your money back will keep you hanging around whilst he fucks prostitutes and disrespects you however the fuck else he chooses. Oh and he sulks and blames you when you call him out on it and punishes you with abuse. How thoroughly vile.

I don't know how you'd get ten grand back out of such a shameless bastard. It must leave a horrible taste in the mouth. But really dropping ten grand is cheaper than remaining shackled to so magnificent an utter arsehole.

But you will earn more money in the future, whereas he will still be scum. Hopefully karma will give him a right royal kick in the arse.

Stuff karma. :) Sounds like the only way you're going to get your money back is via a court. It depends on you having something in writing about his intent to repay, some proof that it was a loan and not a lover's gift, and that's regardless of whether you're with him or not.

Suggest you solve the first problem of living with a woman-hating arsehole by either kicking him out or leaving yourself. For your second problem you need legal advice.

Sorry to hear what a shockingly horrible your DP has shown himself to be. No adult man in a relationship books a hooker 'for a joke'- does he think you are an imbecile? Rather than grovelling, he is acting like the wounded party. Unacceptable twuntery.

I'm guessing you don't won a place together, as selling that and having a solicitor get him to agree to £10k coming off his share could help. If you rent, who paid the deposit? Do you have access to any joint money that you could out somewhere safely to try and recoup as much of your loan as possible?

For what it's worth, I started all over again at 30 after a relationship with a cheating bastard that lasted all of my twenties. I am now happily married. Leaving someone that makes you feel crap can only ever be liberating. A relationship with a man that books prostitutes and sulks when caught is a thousand times worse than being single and free to date and meet a great guy. Don't be afraid of change by imagining the worst case scenarios. I think you're already in the worst case scenario: a relationship with an utter pillock. Things can only get better!

Horrible person, and own not won! Sorry for my barely legible autocorrecting!

one way if looking at it is he tried to use your money to hire an escort. leave as soon as you can, before you wooooops lend him more.

Thanks everyone, I have nothing in writing and just feel so crappy. I wasn't that upset last night and didn't talk about it this morning. Going to have a chat about the money today and think over Easter will be packing my bags and moving out. But want to at least try and get something in writing before I go. Can't stay anymore as he obviously doesn't care about me or my health!

I hope you are able to work something out that brings you more happiness and security in the long term. My view is that he isn't worth wasting any more of your life on x

I waved bye bye to that amount of money to an ex...

It feels crap accepting the fact that you'll never see it again and he kept saying "it was a gift" - was it fuck!
It would have been nice had he stepped up to the plate and paid even a bit back, but I look at my life now and think getting rid of him was worth losing a wedge of cash!