I'm not sure if this is the right place to post. Here goes! I've always found friendships tricky. I have quite a lot of 'general' friendships with people that are lovely, but I find it hard to make 'close' friendships. I'll be honest, I sometimes do feel lonely and wish I had some close friends to share the everyday stuff with. I think I'm posting because I'm curious to see how many other people find this is true for them too. My family are very dysfunctional, and while I stay in general contact with them, I don't have a close relationship with them. They're often emotionally abusive to their own families, (e.g. verbal abuse to their own DC and borderline neglect including whenever possible leaving them (for days) with anyone that will take them). Although they think that they are perfectly normal and that I'm a 'bit funny'! I even do strange things like politely ask them not to treat/speak to me or my DC in the same way!
I realised it was a bigger issue some years ago and had some general counselling. It was awful, I dreaded going. The counsellor was nice and v professional but I dreaded churning up all of the emotional stuff. I realised that my friendship issues are largely based on spending my childhood avoiding emotional involvement with my own family, especially my mother. I suspect she has a low-level personality disorder, which resulted in her being a very inconsistent care giver. Either she would be completely smothering and physically overpowering (trying to force hugs etc), or having huge mood swings and being emotionally abusive (e.g. why are you always so stupid, lots of slapping and screeching etc).
I know that when I'm meeting people I can come across as a bit 'needy', probably because at times I am a bit lonely. But then, EVERY time, if a friendship does become more established, I completely panic as I think everyone will then start to be like my mother! (E.g. unpredictable, abusive, unreasonable and demanding etc.) This probably then comes across as being a bit 'distant' and I back away. I think I should probably consider more counselling (aargh 
), but at the mo I can't afford it. I'm wondering what some next steps might be... any ideas anyone?