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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I need your help AGAIN

24 replies

nutcracker · 22/08/2006 14:09

P went into work today for them to basically finnish him. They have told him that he should pick up £1500 ish next week.

I have told him I want him to use it to get a flat.

He has said he will but I feel like i'm gonna have a struggle on my hands so would appreciate any propping me up over the next week or so.

OP posts:

tiredemma · 22/08/2006 14:10

ill prop you up, and i have a day off next tuesday if you want to get away from him for the day- you can bring your kids to mine. seriously.
x

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/08/2006 14:12

Thanks emma your a mate and thats lovely of you to offer but i'll have to let you know in the next few days depending on what goes on here if thats ok.

Am probably gonna have to swap college courses now too.

OP posts:

tiredemma · 22/08/2006 14:16

its ok, didnt expect you to say yes straight away! just see what happens this week- i just meant that if he is still there and fucking you off mentally then come to mine for the day.

about college- if you are single with no income- cant you get a nursery place there? dont know how that college works- is this possible.

what an arse that you have to change plans again- but if it means that he is moving out then maybe in the long term its for the best. email me on emmawatts78 (at) hotmail (dot) co (dot) uk or my work email if you need me x

MrsFio · 22/08/2006 14:16

oh dear nutty, i didnt realise it had gone tits up again

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/08/2006 14:18

I could get Harry a childcare place yeah but thats where I had probs before cos I couldn't get to college on time. Plus there is n way the before and after school club at the girls schools will have places now.

I'm not gonna decide yet but will look into doing NVQ instead i think for now.

I'll let you know about tuesday. He is f*ing me off big time cos he is here all the time and so am I so it is driving me a bit insane at the mo.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/08/2006 14:20

It's never been tits down has it Fio LOL

We were gonna do so much with the money from work, pay off some bills, get the kids xmas pressies sorted etc etc. But even if we had millions i'd never be happy with him, I just can't be.

OP posts:

tiredemma · 22/08/2006 14:27

well you still have few weeks anyway to decide, dont suppose he would offer to help out with the childcare while he is not at work still, even if you have both split up?

i know its easy for me to say but try not to let him make you feel down, hopefully he will use his money wisely and find somewhere to live and not let his family dictate what happens to you this time.

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/08/2006 14:30

It will depend on whwre he finds a flat i think. He is saying he wants to stay as close as poss but he doesn't wanna pay a fortune. He'll be on benefits though so i dunno why he's that bothered how much it is.

OP posts:

tiredemma · 22/08/2006 14:35

hope he sorts it all out and is off your back and out of your hair soon then x

MrsFio · 22/08/2006 15:55

you deserve happiness anyway. I am pretty sure if you have a good chat to college they will be able to find something flexible for you. have you looked at OU?

Original poster

nutcracker · 22/08/2006 18:45

Thanks Fio thats a nice thing to say

We have spoken a bit more, and he seems to be ok but I know this could change. He really wants to stay round here and i'd love that cos i'd get a break from the kids but properties in this area that will accept dss are rare so he'll have to look hard.

We have decided not to tell the kids or family until we know he has somewhere to go.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2006 18:09

Ok am getting annoyed now. I went and brought the local papers on friday and there were 2 very good possibles. One was a 2 bed flat in an ok area, not really right by here but inly a short bus ride away and it accepted dss, and the other was a 1 bed house in our area, fully furnished, good price.

I have asked him at least 4 times when he is gonna ring them and he says he doesn't know.

He gets the money on thursday and I just have an awful feeling he is gonna go and blow it all just so he can't move out.

OP posts:

tribpot · 26/08/2006 18:29

Given this seems like your best chance of getting shot of P, I would be tempted to phone and arrange appointments yourself, and basically do everything to get him out.

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2006 18:30

But i can't force him to go to see them and I have no access to the money.

OP posts:

anorak · 26/08/2006 18:42

Oh nutty, I am sorry you're faced with this again. At least you can say to yourself you gave him chance after chance and you'll feel more sure of your decision now.

When men do this they make themselves look so pathetic, makes you feel like you've got an extra child on your hands.

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2006 18:59

Yeah thats exaclty how I feel Anorak, like I have another child.

I mean he agrees with it and then does bugger all just to piss me off. I know it's not easy for him but fgs he is making it so much worse than it needs to be.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 26/08/2006 20:27

Ok well he has just asked me to find the ad for the one that was round here. Thats good i suppose although we don't yet know if this one accepts dss. He has now said he will only accept something that is round here and fully furnished .

Hmm not asking for the world then

Also he's just said he wishes i'd never had him back. Well he's not on his own there.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 27/08/2006 16:42

Bollocks, P has gone out so I rang the 1 bed house ad and it was brilliant, round here, fully furnished etc etc but she won't accept DSS.

FGS

Am pissed off now.

OP posts:

anorak · 27/08/2006 16:44

Sorry nutty

But if you found one maybe there are others? I think if I were you I would want to slap this man and remind him he is able-bodied and unencumbered by children, why do you have to do everything for him as if he were helpless?

Original poster

nutcracker · 27/08/2006 16:49

Oh I know, but if i don't do it he won't.

He has no intention of doing anything I ask.

OP posts:

LittleSarah · 27/08/2006 16:50

Out of interest, have you ever used the local gumtree site (if you have one)? I am on HB and I got my new flat - very nice - from a lovely woman who didn't care about that kind of thing.

Original poster

nutcracker · 27/08/2006 16:54

No haven't tried there, will look now, thanks.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 27/08/2006 17:00

Thanks LittleSarah, have placed a wanted ad on there.

OP posts:

LittleSarah · 27/08/2006 17:08

No worries, hope it helps!

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