Sad about a break up

[helen64]

I've been in a relationship for ten months, and we finished it yesterday, by mutual consent because the spark had gradually faded. We've had our ups and downs, and been on the verge of finishing several times. I think we both know it's for the best, we both needed to change too much to make it work, although I know we truly loved each other.

But I miss him. We used to be so good together, then things slowly got in the way like habits I just couldn't ignore. It was a bit rough when we were intimate sometimes, but I usually enjoyed it.

Our families got on, we lived close and saw each other very often

I'm annoyed with myself for not making any effort to save it, for just letting it slip through my fingers. We're still friends, but I'm finding it hard not to ask him if we can try again, and that I'll work on it more

I feel alone. My children are grown up, and I don't think I can afford to be this choosy.

I don't know what to do for the best, for all of us.

Re read your post, but imagine it's a loved one saying it to you.

The sexual violence thing is, quite frankly, screaming that something is terribly wrong. If he's been so rough that you've not enjoyed it, then lines have been irreversibly crossed. That should not be happening anywhere, be it a casual encounter or a marriage.

Even leaving that massive issue aside, in a relationship of less than a year, you've already had ups and downs and been on the verge of ending things several times. He won't have changed; those habits will still be there.

Have you thought about why you feel it's better to accept sexual violence from your boyfriend, rather than be alone?

I'm sorry you're lonely but that's not a reason to lower your standards. Of course you can afford to be choosy... it's called self-respect. If these habits (and the rough sex you mention sounds worrying) were showing up after just a few months then chances are they were going to get worse. You say you know it's for the best and, if you're looking for places to put 'effort', I would strongly recommend you keep your distance from this man and cease contact until he's out of your system. I don't think being around him pretending to be a friend is going to work at all.