Meerkat's problem

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Your thoughts and opinions on the following are welcomed:-

One of DH's friend's owns a villa in Spain and he (DH) has been invited by said friend to go out there for a few days next month. I can't go and besides which I was not asked (its more of a boys thang). He told me last Friday they had a definate date and that things would be further sorted yesterday. DH booked the flights this morning and he will be gone from here for a total of five days. He will leave work early on Thursday to catch his flight and will return very late on the following Monday (doubtless waking me up). I therefore won't see DH really till Tuesday.

I did previously say that he could go despite my misgivings (try as I might I cannot abide his friends at all) and to his credit he has tried to understand my feelings. He is very much a people pleaser and has tried to make everybody happy.

BTW out of the other two one is married with a child (his wife and child will leave the villa before DH and his other friend arrive) and the other is single with no dependents.

I totally dread being alone though because I have no other support whatsoever (I could have really done with some help yesterday and felt thoroughly let down by my parents even though I asked).

DS and I will got out at the weekend and that will make the time go but the only adults I'll see are probably the OutLaws (shudder). DS is at school three of the days so the days will appear "normal" but its both the weekend and evenings that I find the most difficult.

I feel somewhat unhappy about the whole enterprise and am wondering whether I am actually right to have such misgivings or should I just get over myself here?.

If I were you I would let him go (with strong hints as to a what kind of present you are expecting on his return!) but book lots of activities for you and ds whilst he is away.

ATM I know where you're coming from exactly.

I've just done that to my dh... leaving him with the kids and I know he had a hard time because we also have no support here. Our families are abroad.

Have offered that dh can go away by himself as well but he hasn't taken me up on it yet. Dreading it when he does because it is so much harder on your own.

I always wonder how my friend who's a single mother copes so well... nobody to hand the kids too when it gets too much.

So I'd let him go but under the clear understanding that you're getting a spoiler session too

DP goes away about once a year for a couple of nights and, to be honest, I enjoy the time hes away!

OK its harder work with the children but at the same time its lovely having that time with them when you can legitimately cut corners (miss out a bathtime, takeaway pizza for tea etc) because its just you and them and you don't have an extra pair of hands to help.

Plan a "special" trip out (doesn't need to be expensive or far afield but is "special" as its just you and the children). Do things differently -for example the children climbed into my bed for a story together before bed (usually they have separate stories as DD reads to us but DS is read to)-they loved snuggling up in the big bed, it was a treat because it was different to the norm.

How old are your children? My eldest who's 6 loves it when she has extra "responsibilities" when Daddy's away. She feels special.

You will be OK -I admit you'll be tired after but it can be fun!

just done 5 days on my own here with the ds"s... it wasnt easy but it was fine! as others have said make some plans so you know what you're going to do each day is a good idea... was suprised to find i quite enjoyed a few quiet evenings with no one to think of but myself... ate what i wanted, watched what i wanted, went to bed when i wanted.... and you'll have real sense of achievement when you've done it... good luck!

Hi, Meerkats. From our conversations and knowing a little about you, my feeling is that it's less that you are worried about the hard work/coping with your DS but more about you feeling emotionally without support and a bit worried about DH having a good time without you? Am I right? You and your two boys have always appeared to be very much a little unit to me, maybe it's just a bit scary. I do think it's natural to have some time apart, but he sounds like the sort of DH who will just have a nice time, and come home refreshed and missing you. And yes, I would definitely negotiate a treat for myself as compensation!

Hi Pages,

Got it in one my friend!.

Its not his going to Spain so much that worries me so much as being alone without any emotional support for that amount of time. Mis parentes are also away and as for the MIL her reaction was, "a break after two weeks at work will do him good!. No mention whatsoever of how I'll manage so she can get stuffed. He is indeed the sort of DH who will just have a nice time and miss me. The three of us are our own little family unit.

Negotiation of treats is well in hand!!,

With best wishes to you and yours

Meerkats x