I have had enough.

[TheNightIsDark]

You've all told me to leave so many times (kyrptonite, mudandglitter and somebodysaveme were my previous nns).

I'm sick of being shouted and sworn at. I'm ashamed that he does it to the DCs too. I can't keep coming home to find chairs and stacking boxes smashed because they got in his way.

I've packed enough stuff to leave with the DCs for a night. House is in my name, I have my passport and the DCs birth certs. Next time he kicks off I can be gone in 5 minutes.

What am I forgetting? I have nappies, bottles, changes of clothes and pjs. DCs are 5,3 and 7 months.

We have DSD here this week. I can't take her with me. If I leave this week I'll have to give MIL the heads up so she can get DSD. Or should I take DSD and drop her to MIL?

Sorry, rambling. Just trying to stay rational so when he inevitably kicks off that I hoovered the carpet instead of sweeping it as he's told me to I don't buckle.

Fuck. Fuck. I feel all weird and buzzy. I may actually be able to have my DCs grow up in a house where they can leave a toy on the floor whilst they go to the loo and not get screamed at to fucking put it away before he bins it.

7 fucking years I put into this shit.

Because he will refuse to leave straight away. It's happened before. This way I can get the DCs out and they don't see as much kicking off.

I have some money. Enough to get to my mums.

Good luck

I'd take the DSD with you and drop her off if I were you.

Child benefit in my name. I work but on mat leave. Going back beginning of June.

I can get back in without DCs if I need to get more stuff/check he's gone.

I'm thinking it's best to take DSD. She deals with enough shouting at her DMs. She doesn't need to see more.

No. They're out with him and MIL at the moment then all back here for Sunday roast. I'm hoping he kicks off then so MIL will be there for DSD anyway. I know I shouldn't hope he kicks off at all really but I hope everyone knows what I mean!

It's private rental but only my name on the tenancy and landlord said he will be renewing it. He's a friend of DPs but hopefully not a twat so should let me live here still.

Good for you! It's great that you've taken such big steps and there's no 'may' about it - get away from him and your children can go to the loo without worrying about toys on the floor.

You don't need to wait for the next kick off though. You can leave any time you like, everything's in place. You can do it.

Sorry, x post, OP.

Thanks Ralph. I was in a sexually, physically and emotionally abusive relationship from 15-18, met DP soon after and have been stuck like this until now (25). I need the kick off to validate my decision. I'm too fucking weak.

Bag is packed and hidden in outside cupboard. He has my car at the moment but I will chuck it in there once he's back.

Thank you everyone for posting.

Absolutely not weak at all! I have a friend in a similar situation; she's terrified of making that final leap but is so close. Sending you all my support.

Couple of favourite toys. Toothbrushes.

Delete internet browsing history if there's a shared computer at home?

You are not weak. I'm sorry if you've been made to feel that way. You're tough and decisive and inspiring.

Good luck x x

Good luck OP, I did this a few weeks back and I already feel like my old self again, DC are happy, I'm happy. It's a huge leap and I had to find a new home for us etc but the calmness in our lovely little house is unreal. Best move I ever made. Giving up isn't being weak, it's takes strength to say enough! and mean it

Anything valuable/sentimental that he would destroy in anger - hard drive with all photos on, jewellery, paperwork, passports and birth certificates, etc.

Hello OP, Just wanted to add that you are brave strong woman and it will be great to bring up your dcs in a home that isn't filled with fear and shouting, Well done

Definitely do not tell MIL. You may think she is your ally but once the shit hits the fan she may very well back her darling son.

Take care and stay safe.

Thanks all. He's been fine so far today but making mental notes of things I need to take. He snapped my hair straighteners last year because he couldn't find his phone charger and I had left them in the way so I need to make sure anything like laptop, ipad etc is easy to grab.

Thank you all. Knowing I have some form of plan and a bag packed is helping a lot. DSD goes home on Thursday so if I can hang on until then it's easier for her.

Oh, bless you TNID. Lots of luck and strength to you.

Bless you.
I wish you and your DC luck!
I personally wouldn't put the bag in the car, just incase he needs to use it and finds it and kicks off.

Wishing you all the best night. It's a tough decision to make, but you'll feel so much better once it's done.

Is it safe to leave in the middle of a kick-off?? Wouldn't it be safer to leave with the kids - and all your valuables/documents/items of sentimental value - while he's out?

You're being really strong and we'll all be cheering you on!

I agree, why are you waiting until he is angry to leave? Do you think you need an "excuse?"
You don't.

I wouldn't wait until he kicks off op. Why not go when he's out and then it won't be so stressful and awful for the kids. If you can leave without much fuss then you should because it'll be something they'll remember forever if their dad is going mental while you try and leave.