I've met a guy who is 37. I am 36 myself. I didn't want to do online dating for a long time, but from a little bit of pressure from friends and family, I kind of went on there. The experience has been quite horrific personally. I realised that I see a lot of things that I do not want to see. It's like I always think the best of people until you meet someone else, and you start to question your own self ? I do not know if doing this kind of dating also set me off the wrong footing as well with this guy.
This is a long distance relationship. He is in the US and I am in the UK. We have been kind of seeing each other for around 5-6 months now. There has been such a lot of ups and downs overall, and even in the beginning he kind of laid down the gauntlet and set the condition that he will one day move back to SE Asia. I had a thought about this, and I agreed. So, overall, I went over to see him first, and then he also came to see me soon after. We did sleep together, but I also felt that it wasn't meant to. He is kind. He is sometimes patient, but then he is also one of these people who is deeply emotive. The other thing is also that he has a controlling brother, and he has made provisional plans to move to NY so that he can take up his brother's flat and settle there and to be near his family, instead of making plans with me and move towards a committed relationship. The first time he told me this I was deeply unhappy because I felt quite betrayed in a way, but then again, I must have been demanding also too, right ? Because how do you commit to someone when they have another plan and path already ? At first, I was considering coinciding my plans with his and consider finding work in the US, but I have stopped doing that when he told me of his plans, and I felt quite unwanted to begin with. He also told me that he would not give up the chance of getting his green card. I have dual nationality, and can work in SE Asia if I need to. My mother is out in SE Asia, and I thought that it would be feasible for me to do that, and I would feel emotionally happier. But when he told me that he needs to stay in the US for another 4 years. I just felt lost.
So far, we have kept in touch, but we have broken up. I was watching the one day movie, and then I was bubbling so much. I realised that was the kind of relationship I wish I had, but he was also annoyed that I ditched him the same day after I watched that movie. lol. Erm... but underlying it all, I feel that I deserve such loving relationship and devotion as well.
Somehow I do not feel quite right in the relationship, and I do not know why. We still keep in touch as friends. When I saw that he activated back his online dating profile, I was so upset. I have also done the same too, but I have not contacted anyone else. I feel quite stuck.
I'm not really sure what it is that I am asking here... I'm just confused.