Met someone new but not sure what is going on - my instincts arent sure

[creativeme]

Hi, I have recently met someone online, he has been single for 2 years due to getting over his ex partner he had a child with and feels now he is ready, however on first meeting he was, what I would call slightly emotional, not literally but in a way that made me think there is alot going on around him. He is an adorable guy and we are incredibly attracted to eachother but I am also being highly cautious around him too. He has told me in 2 months, 1 relative passed, as well as one of his friends, 1 of his female friends has just been diagnosed with cancer as well and he is in the process of going through mediation for his son with his ex so he can see him more in the week.
Now, even though he says he is ready, he wants a relationship, I do feel he isnt quite and this may be something that he is dealing with thats quite full on. Whats nice is he has planned to see me this Saturday night, booked dinner,drinks etc and its lovely but he never really speaks inbetween, which I find strange like aloof and feel slightly put off by, also he talks alot about other females he works with, or he knows or he sees regularly to help them out or needs to talk to, its like he is always helping them, with them, there is quite a few different ones, never discusses men friends.......
Its a deflated feeling as we are so close when together, I am not use to this. I am not clingy just would like him to come across like he cares in some way when I feel he doesnt, he does fire me loads of questions alot of the times and I wonder if he is testing me, but I am not one for games not showing jealousy at an early stage...I just dont know what to do/say or feel.....would it be best to just see how it goes as its early days for now! I dont want to come across demanding/clingy and I am not very confident in contacting him first incase he thinks I am clingy.....I need reassurance from them too....I have only recently come out of a relationship a few months back so taking my time here...but I dont rush into anything. My ex partner was forever texting daily, calling me seeing how I was even at the beginning stage its a lovely feeling, but not this one....or maybe he is just an independent soul maybe.

thank you for reading
x

Don't ignore those red flags.

I think it is probably too soon for you, and I think he is good on paper but the reality is very different.

If your instinct is jangling that something isn't right then I think you should listen to it.

If he isn't that keen at the beginning how long are you going to waste waiting for him to like you or pay you enough attention?

I don't like the sound of him. Banging in about tragedies and how helpful he is to women. Over-sharing is, IMO, either a symptom that someone is still in the throes of grieving/stress and therefore not ready for a relationship, or designed to make one feel sorry for them or impressed by them.

I suppose you'll have loads of sex on Saturday then not hear from him until it's time for the next 'date'?

Thank you for your replies, I think yo uare all right, something says to me player, playing on emotions because he thinks he can or he likes alot of female attention because he wants that all the time, for all I know he may be with someone? its just very odd, this distance...then he comes in with very intense, almost poetry wording, like life is worth living, you know when you know, but yet doesnt contact for ages, days...hours....the action is slightly weird but all words.....I wont be going out Saturday night if this continues like this and I dont hear all day or tomorrow, that will get my suspisicions up more....shame as I was on a high after I met him and felt we could be lovely together.....nevermind.....I prefer to be realistic!

I reckon he might be the sort who gives you a great date but a bad relationship. A date can be like a performance-it's all planned, you're both on best behaviour wanting to impress, he gets to be very much in control, you are doing nice things like drinks then dinner.

Question is, is that person good at real life, patience, empathy, settling for less than perfect? Sounds like you can't be at all sure. I'd proceed carefully if at all.

Angela I think you are right, funny I thought that last night. All charm no action or relationship and its a fantasy, more concrened about all the females around him. I am very straight laced and like to know what the relationship is realistically and if its not I tend to just move away if its strange, this is very strange!!!

How soon is it? I think perhaps this one man at a time idea is not very helpful with online dating. Shouldn't you have tons of dates going on until you decide on one? And you don't decide on one until you are very sure.

Hi, yes I am dating others, but always the way you like that one who isnt quite what they appear.....lol!!

It's all on his terms isn't it. You are sitting around waiting for him to call the shots.

It is on his terms yes and either he is a control freak or I just think something isnt normal here, whatever the basis its not normal nor does it sit well for me, so I think I may cancel Saturday night. Unless he knows how to treat someone normally.

I would think he will blame his behaviour on his dreadful past. Try and get sympathy from you for what he has endured. Pretty grim way to get someone to want to be with you really.

I wonder why he needs mediation to sort out contact - that could potentially be a red flag too?

He sounds like a white knighter.

What you say really reminds me of someone I met. He came across as very emotional, and also would be alternately over-the-top about how much he cared about me and then disappear and be completely out of contact. It turned out that he had a drink problem and was still living with someone. He was trying to present me with a version of his life how he wanted it to be, but that was a long way away from how it actually was.