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Original poster

Why is this happening?

16 replies

aquestion · 21/08/2006 21:23

Sorry, done the usual name change for this as is a bit embarrasing .
Been with dp for 11 years, all was fine in the beginning but since had DS1 9 years ago, I have been sadly lacking in the initiating sex front, so much so that my DP had given up on me and has gone from cuddling/kissing/groping me always to nothing. We very nearly split up a few times because of it and the lack of affection.
However, in the last month or so, my hormones seemed to have woken up and I'm a raging nympho . I've even been initiating sex which is unheard of for me.... My DP is stunned beyond belief . We have had sex 5 times this week, whereas before we were lucky if it was 5 times a year .

My question really is, do you think that something physical/mental happened to me when I had my first child, that has only just been resolved? Why have I suddenly become interested in sex again? I'm worried it's going to go away again, and I'll be totally uninterested in it .

OP posts:
Original poster
aquestion · 21/08/2006 21:30

anyone?

OP posts:
tiredemma · 21/08/2006 21:33

how old are you? i think women "hit" their sexual peak in their thirties- could be this?

Original poster
aquestion · 21/08/2006 21:36

I'm 38 - could it be this?
This is just so weird, I'd resigned myself to having a not very good relationship with a grumpy dp because of the lack of intimacy, but we may just have a got reprieve .

OP posts:
tiredemma · 21/08/2006 21:38

think it could be it then, i think that the average age for a woman hitting her peak is 35.
Google it, im sure lots of info will come up

colditz · 21/08/2006 21:39

Not pregnant are you>?

hairymclary · 21/08/2006 21:40

oh I hope this happens to me then. I have no interest in sex at all and it's awful

Original poster
aquestion · 21/08/2006 21:49

colditz - oh i so hope not
tiredemma - thanks, never thought to do that!
hairymclary - I totally understand how you feel - I can't quite believe this is happening, and SO hope that it lasts!

OP posts:
Somanybabyseagulls · 21/08/2006 22:24

I have lots of interest in sex, unfortunately dh has no interst in me!

HelloMama · 21/08/2006 22:28

I think sex and libido is a bit of a 'use it or lose it' situation. It is normal to go off sex and be too tired for a while, etc, especially after a baby, unemployment, having an ill partner, or unwell relative, etc. However it can be difficult to re-kindle things once the situation has gone on for a long period. If you both make the effort to get into the routine again, the libido can suddenly return (as you have found!) and you can start to enjoy what you have been missing for so long. Well done both of you for sticking with it, it says a lot about your relationship that you held it together. Looks like you have come out the other side...!

Original poster
aquestion · 21/08/2006 22:29

somany - do you know why? From my point of view, I just didn't get the 'urges' iykwim! I'd rather go to sleep than mess around....
The more I think about it, the more 'chemical' it seems to me - something that happens in the brain to make you want sex. I don't think it has anything to do with fancying your dp, as this used to worry me.

OP posts:
Original poster
aquestion · 21/08/2006 22:31

hellomama - that sounds so true! I said the exact same thing to dp, we had forgotten how nice sex was. I did always used to enjoy it once we started but never got the urges before.

OP posts:
HelloMama · 21/08/2006 22:35

I think loads of people go through a trough, especially after having children. You just lack the energy you had pre-children! I know what I prefer when I crawl into bed at 11.30pm, knowing that I'll be up again at 6am the following day, and it often aint sex! However whenever we do it, we always say 'we really should do this more often'! It is easy not to prioritise this in a busy relationship but it is so important, and a good sex life improves so many other areas of your relationship too.

clumsymum · 21/08/2006 22:36

aquestion,

Have you changed anything about your lives recently. Maybe you have adopted a healthier diet that gives you different minerals than before? Or has dp changed his job, so he's more relaxed and gives off a more adorable aura? Or he's started eating something different at lunchtime, that changes his pheromones? Or your ds is more settled in his sleep, so you are getting more rest?

Any of these things may contribute to the change.

Original poster
aquestion · 21/08/2006 22:45

clumsymum - no, nothing I can pinpoint tbh. In fact, I've just stopped exercising and feel a bit of a fat so & so!!
It may well be that over the summer hols I haven't felt quite so stressed (amazingly!) and we've had a couple of nice holidays camping...... who'd have thought?!

OP posts:
clumsymum · 22/08/2006 11:46

That's it then !! You have stopped exercising, so your body is prompting you to get your exercise some other way !

A lot more fun than aerobics or a running machine IMO

VeniVidiVickiQV · 22/08/2006 11:50

Im think hormones play a large part in it. Increases in seratonin and also testosterone, I believe can.

I have to say I find an increase in libido around middle of the month and so I assume that it largely is most definitely attributed to "chemicals". Only in the sense of feeling the urge in the first place. (I dont doubt that if you have an unattractive/unappreciated partner etc that this will affect whether you actually do want to, or in fact do).

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