My family is toxic. All of them are hugely demanding and there are constant arguments/problems. I have tried to help but am now at the point of wondering if the only way forward is never to see any of them again rather than invest my own time, energy and emotion in trying to constantly smooth things over and get them all to get on with each other?
DM has always been needy, kept us all in and discouraged friendships. When we were older she would often lock the doors and windows to stop us going out. If we did go out we would return and either be unable to get in as were not allowed keys or she would say things like the kitchen was closed and we couldn't even get water.
Db moved out quite young, dsis was ill and lived at home till a few months ago. DM looked after her and dsis was a very convenient companion who was always told she was too ill to do anything, thus keeping her isolated and at home. At times dsis played on this so a very unhealthy relationship.
DM does not get on with her own mother who is very elderly, lives miles away and is very isolated. I actually always got on with my Dgm but DM kept reminding me that actually she was a horrible mother etc etc and I shouldn't always defend her/want to see her etc.
Dgm had been asking DM to go to see her all the time but DM has a million excuses as to why she can't etc and its too far etc.
Dh knows I'd like to see my Dgm so said he would drive the three and a half hours to collect her then bring her back and we would book a hotel for her as DM didn't want her staying at her house, Dgm was thrilled that she would be coming here for a weekend. DM had a go at me and said it will make her look bad that I offered a hotel and that she is now forced into letting Dgm stay at her house.
She has gone on and on how it is not fair on her, that it will ruin a weekend for her and that she has work after the weekend and won't get a rest??? She has been horrible about it, I said to her how surely it was better for her as well as now she wouldn't have to travel up there? Se said not. Kept shouting about her ruined weekends . I pointed out that dh has work too but that he will have done about 14 hours driving that weekend which is hard for him due to health problems but she just doesn't appreciate it.
Yesterday she came round and spent the whole day in tears about dsis having moved out a few months ago and that she had been 'used' and had looked after dsis for the last 12 years for nothing (dsis has epilepsy) and was angry. I tried to say I didn't think that was a fair comment as she should be pleased dsis has got so much better, moved out, has a do etc rather than wanting her 'companion' back.
This morning I've had phone calls, DM crying about everything and I'm at my wits end. I've stopped answering my phone now as I have dcs to look after and it is all just too much.
I really don't think I can do this anymore. I feel like I'm always trying to sort things out/help DM and dsis rebuild their relationship and getting constant hassle.
Is the only way forward to just not speak to any of them ? 